Naruto: The Animal
by Harlequin de Rustre
Summary: As a young boy, Naruto unwillingly undergoes a drastic change in mind and body- it forever alters him, turning him from the path he would have taken. Instead, he pursues a more pragmatic approach to life, and gets lost along the way.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Naruto or anything else copyrighted utilized for storywriting purposes herein, nor do I profit from my humble creative efforts in using such resources.

~xxx

Before the Academy's Graduation Day dawned, Naruto was wide awake, preparing for all the possible tests. Had it been a year ago, he might never have even conceived of entering the Academy.

But now…now he was fully invested in becoming a ninja.

9 years old he might be, but he was ambitious- hungry for some purpose in his life. He felt the life of a mercenary spy and soldier would lift him out of this pathetic existence he'd been enduring since he had been tossed onto the streets by the system less than 2 years ago.

Since an institution meant for children rejected him, he'd thought, might as well make a go of one meant for grown-ups.

If nothing else, he'd get to hurt people, for better or worse- and, when you've been hurt for all of your life, it feels great to pass the hurt along.

The blond genin-to-be groaned, his breath rattling as he flexed his face in the mirror. Slipping on his jacket over his wiry torso and his goggles over his seemingly nonexistent eyes, he grinned, chomping his teeth, before jumping out the window to begin his early morning run around the neighborhood.

~xxx

After the run around his stomping grounds, Naruto reviewed his notes on chakra usage and must-know genin material like the essential hand signs. A ninja is only as prepared as his body and mind are, and the boy wanted to be the most prepared he could be.

He exercised as he read, and kept on in this manner until it was time to rest and eat- at this point about 6 AM, just as the sun was making it through the curtains.

Naruto went to his fridge and took the first meal that caught his eye- a fat pigeon he'd caught the day before, still nice and plump. He closed the fridge with his foot, slumping into one of the two rickety seats at the table in his kitchen, and set about cleaning his meal.

Methodically plucking and gutting the fowl with his strong fingers was calming and familiar, letting the boy focus on the day ahead.

Most likely he'd need to perform some fairly simple tasks like answer questions on a test, all coming from basic knowledge he'd devoured weeks ago, after nearly failing a quiz he'd felt at the time was mindnumbingly easy. If a simple test could get the better of him if he didn't prepare enough, what would happen if he was facing something that would kill him if he slipped up?

Naruto wanted to become a ninja for the thrill of adventure and the rush of the eventual kills he would participate in- and with the pay he'd acquire, he'd have no problem keeping himself fed with fresh, delicious food.

Looking down at the naked, clean carcass, the boy tucked in, savoring the simple, gamey flavor. As delicious as ramen had been, the noodles stuck in his teeth, and eating random vermin wasn't…socially appliqué.

Plus, the promise of eating something as fullbodied as pig or- Naruto shuddered with apprehensive delight- whale was something the boy found irresistible.

Quickly stripping the pigeon carcass of any remaining flesh, Naruto cleaned up and prepared to set out, groaning and stretching his various muscles, straining his orange exercise clothes- well, his only clothes, really.

Time to get cleaned up and nice-smelling; it wouldn't do to smell like sweat and pigeon for the big day.

~xxx

Naruto showed up early and waited, the rest of the genin hopefuls filing in. Watching the potential teammates and rivals take their seats, the boy again made notice of the fact that he was the youngest in the class by far.

A nine year old in a class of preteens, he stuck out. He was a little smaller than the rest of the boys, and occasionally got shit for being so young as a result.

The bullying wasn't all that regular, though, because Naruto always had those goggles on and never really seemed to care much about the bad attention he got. Staring into those blank, dark lenses as the boy stood there and took it, standing right back up, no worse for wear- that wasn't fun for anybody. So he got left alone.

When he came up in girls' conversations, it was always as that one kid, that boy: the one who looked back at you, smiled, and then looked away. Not getting attention from anybody drove some of the female portion of the class crazy, but it was just _Naruto_, so the frustration over being ignored by him always went away.

Even the teachers didn't want to bother with the boy much. There was Mr. Umino, who admired the child's tenacity from a distance, but continually apprehensive- perhaps just at a loss for words- when interacting with the boy in class.

But Naruto didn't care that much, as alone as he was. He was here to learn a career he would potentially stay in for the rest of his life. Memories could wait.

Still…he did like attention, however much he got. Perhaps when he got placed on a team he could make friends and learn what it was like to "have fun".

That would be after the test- _if_ he passed.

Sighing, Naruto rested his elbows on the table, crossing his arms and settling in for the short wait until the beginning of the exam

~xxx

Naruto was awakened a little while later by a gentle tap on the arm. He sat up, yawning, a paper getting stuffed in his face with no fanfare. He took it, looked the whole thing over, and then got to filling it out.

The test- obviously what the paper was- was more challenging than expected, with Naruto finishing later than most of the class, but he knew he'd completed it correctly without a shadow of a doubt.

What came next, however, made him sweat.

Practical demonstration assessment- particularly for the art of henge.

~xxx

"Alright, line up, everyone- time to test your transformations!"

Mr. Umino stood at the front of the class with a clipboard as students lined up. Naruto, being near the back of the room on the far side, found himself at the tail end of the line. This didn't matter much to him, aside from getting to sweat a little longer as all his elders tackled the dreaded exam.

"Oh my God this is gonna be so hard~~," the girl in front of him commented, squirming up and down in her- rather shameless for a 12 year old- dress.

The line moved up as the first student passed, walking out of the room with a cocky smirk on his face and his arms crossed behind his head. The girl stood where she was, petrified.

"Oh God. Oh God. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod-"

Naruto sighed, massaging his forehead. "Just…_move_," he grumbled irascibly, trying to keep aloof.

The girl spun around, just about ready to give the boy behind her a piece of her mind. "You know what-"

Naruto sighed, crossing his arms, gritting his teeth behind closed lips as he looked up at the female in front of him. The attitude vanished from the girl's face as she got an eyeful of her blond offender.

"-you're cute." The girl wrapped her arms around Naruto's neck, pulling him closer.

"I'm nine. Move forward."

Naruto sniffed, unfazed by the painted-up face and tight clothes of his academic peer. The girl pursed her lips, spinning around with a huff.

If the boy still had rotating eyes, he'd have rolled them, as much good as that would have done behind goggles. Women.

Time and the line moved quickly enough, fortunately, and soon enough Naruto was standing before his teacher as a student- for hopefully the last time.

"Uzumaki Naruto- last one before the next test. Ready?"

"Yes, teacher," Naruto replied, nodding his head as he made the appropriate handsign. "Henge!"

With a negligible puff of smoke, the blond became a brunet, transforming into Mr. Umino near flawlessly.

His teacher blinked, the disguise exceedingly detailed, especially for a simple student.

"Remarkable, Naruto! But…um…"

"Yes?" The hairs on the back of the boy's neck prickled, fear rising in his belly. What had he done wrong?

Iruka looked away, scratching his nose, saying "You, uh, added an unnecessary detail."

"What?"

"Your goggles, Naruto- you have me wearing your goggles."

"Oh. May I redo that?"

"No, it's fine. Graduates have made similar mistakes, and it's usually overlooked. You can go ahead."

"Oh…um, thank you. Thank you, teacher."

Bowing his head bashfully, the precocious student hurried out of the room, uncharacteristically but understandably nervous.

~xxx

Umino Iruka watched the boy go, scratching the back of his head. Uzumaki had been an interesting student, to be sure.

Always a loner, never even saying hello to anyone most days, the boy seemed a natural part of the classroom, like the desk chairs or the ubiquitous pencil stuck on the ceiling. He wasn't necessarily a quiet child, but he rarely felt the need to say much of anything.

Although the boy was observant, he was oblivious to most of the attention he garnered. Nobody knew anything about the boy, other than he lived in a bad part of town. Well, Iruka also knew his special situation, but so did everyone who lived through that dreadful night.

Point was, the kid was something of a conversation piece amongst the students. Like a school legend or boogeyman.

He was the quiet boy with the goggles, first in class, last one out. He didn't show off, he didn't complain, he didn't react- to anything.

Some of the louder boys dared each other to steal his goggles, but nobody did it. One would just walk up, freeze, then walk back, laughing nervously as his friends taunted him.

It wasn't that Naruto was scary or anything- although those goggles were sometimes unnerving when Iruka tried to make eye contact with the kid- it was just that he did nothing wrong. He never looked like somebody to mess around with; the boy just sat there and existed.

Nothing was really all that wrong with the kid at a glance, but when you studied him…how he sat in his chair, how he answered a question, how he ate his lunch- even how he breathed- he wasn't all that accessible. Naruto just seemed inviolate, without vulnerability; he had a very keen sense of space, and quite calmly knew who you were and where you were in his world no matter what. He never came off tense or lax or even confident, he never acted without purpose, and he never seemed to do anything wrong- or anything too right.

And to the students- hell, anybody- this gave one pause. It seemed an unspoken rule to just leave the boy alone. The little incident at the back of the line that Iruka witnessed out of the corner of his eye was as much as anybody there at the Academy had ever interacted with the boy on any personal level.

In short, Naruto was an interesting, unthreatening student- especially after that demo he gave.

Unlike most of the boys, Naruto wasted very little chakra, and the flaw in his disguise was so neatly integrated it deserved some sort of commendation. Naruto spent all of his days in class at the very back, wearing his tinted headgear, and yet he nailed his teacher's height, build, and coloration without fail. Nutty thing was, though, the kid got all the little details, too. The skuffmarks on the sandals, the fraying on Iruka's flak vest…all the little flaws. Iruka was pretty sure that little blond scamp also got his pore pattern down, but that was probably just his speculative side.

Wherever this kid went in life, he'd certainly make some kind of an impression.

Iruka smiled to himself, marking Naruto down with a 9- highest score of any of the boys, and strode out of the classroom, ready to join Mizuki in the other room for the final round of examination.

~xxx

Silently waiting in the hallway, Naruto stood, schooling himself into calmness. He made it this far by the seat of his pants, and it wouldn't help him to give into the jitters so close to earning his hitai-ate.

The rest of the class could fidget and joke around, but he'd keep his cool. It didn't help that the loudmouth was staring at him, but, then again, somebody was always staring at him, one way or another.

It seemed like students were now going to be called at random for the last test- just the kind of superfluous mindfuckery that the teachers usually inflicted on the class throughout the year. But whatever- it wasn't a matter of when to Naruto, just what.

Henge was the worst of it- he could manage any other simple technique.

"Naruto, Uzumaki!" called a teacher, and so in he went. The boy dimly noted the one girl making her way toward him as he crossed the hallway, but he didn't really care.

~xxx

Naruto shut the door behind himself out of self-consciousness as much as his sense of propriety before walking to stand square in the center of the room before the examiners. He nodded respectfully to Mr Umino and the other man.

"Good Afternoon, teachers."

Arrayed on the table directly in front of his teachers were the headbands for every student that hoped to graduate today, minus the few that had already been taken by successful examinees. Outside, Naruto was patient and still- inside, he felt like he was going to fall apart in a number of imagined ways.

"Good Afternoon, Naruto," replied Mister Umino, who glanced down at his clipboard, "You will now demonstrate for Mizuki and myself your mastery of the Bunshin technique- five clones, please."

"Yes, teacher," Naruto said, bowing.

The man beside Mister Umino smirked, hiding his smile behind the pencil he was toying with. The boy gave the man no account, taking a step back and assuming the proper handsign, announcing "Bunshin technique!"

~xxx

A small cloud of smoke erupted, and there appeared what were definitely five clones of the 9 year old, surrounding him in tight formation.

"E-excellent, Naruto! Well done!" Iruka beamed, hastily marking down the boy with another 9

Mizuki scoffed, remarking "…Passable"

Iruka looked sideways at his colleague, giving him a soft nudge with his elbow. "Be nice~"

"Whatever. Dispel your clones and come get your badge, blondie."

"Yes, teacher," Naruto nodded, forming another handsign. "Dispel!"

Iruka looked back to the boy as he started to remove his clones and noticed something just a little off before the clones disappeared: one of the Narutos wasn't wearing his goggles.

The creepy thing was there were no eyes where there should have been- only holes. And he could swear that clone was smiling right at him, lips parting to reveal a rather toothy grin.

Iruka shook his head, rubbing his eyes before looking up as Naruto closed the distance to the table, reaching forward and taking his well-earned headband.

The precocious graduate turned and walked quickly to the door, stopping at the handle to turn and face his teachers once again.

"Thank you very much for your guidance, teachers," he said, bowing.

"You'll be returning tomorrow for squad assignment, Naruto. The usual time and place for class, alright?"

"Sure thing, teacher."

And with that, he left.

"Sheesh~" Mizuki said, pulling at his collar with a finger, "Didn't think we'd be passing that brat."

"Be nice, Mizuki, he was a good student and a lot better kid than most in normal situations."

The prematurely grey haired chunin lurched onto the desk with an elbow, staring right at his childhood friend. "He's a friggin' freak, Iruka. That kid ain't natural."

"He hasn't hurt anyone yet, Mizuki, this is hardly fair judgment. I think he's okay."

"Whatever. Amamiya, Koizumi!"

Unsteadily stumbling in on high-heeled boots came a potential kunoichi, looking out into the hallway for whatever reason, budding breasts straining against the fabric of her scandalous dress.

"Oh, Kami on a cracker-" Mizuki began, half muttering to himself, half muttering Iruka.

This time Iruka actually punched his friend- but under the table, for the sake of image in front of his student. Mizuki doubled over, eye ticking as he shot his friend a colleague a look.

"Good Afternoon, Miss Amamiya," Iruka said, smiling innocently and sitting perfectly upright, seemingly ignorant of both his friend's pain and his student's apparent lack of shame, "Would you kindly demonstrate your Bunshin technique for Mizuki-san and myself?"

~xxx

Naruto sighed, chest swelling with pride. He'd graduated. Not only well ahead of time, but he did it in a quarter the time normally required. It was tough, it was very confusing, it caused him no end of anxiousness- and now the silly formalities were over with. From now on, it was grown up stuff.

Not that he was kidding himself about how his future mentor would treat him, but at least he wouldn't be sitting in a glorified daycare either getting talked at or directed step-by-step through some nominally practical routine. This was where the real learning began- the stuff he'd looked forward to since day one of his personal commitment to study to become a ninja.

And now it was less than a day away. He grinned for the first time in months, brazenly flashing his discolored bi-pointed teeth for the world to see, looking downright threatening with those goggles on (although how much less – or more – threatening looking he was sans goggles was not something that has been tested).

He navigated through the teeming herd of people, unmoved by the cheerful families of the graduates or the supportive ones of the flunkies.

It was all meaningless to him. Naruto could have been jealous, if he'd cared.

But why care? There were no families for him. Every time he imagined himself in a family, he imagined faceless ideas and sensations, concepts. These didn't make a family, these made a series of psychoemotionally pornographic feelings that didn't make Naruto any happier, any "better".

All he needed was himself right now. Friends would come soon enough, and perhaps family, if he'd ever find purpose or person enough to constitute having one.

If he ever needed any sort of family, he had his Weasel- his companion, his guide, his tool. And, incidentally, his transformer.

Naruto looked down at his hand, palm-fingers fanning out to allow his "pet" to poke out. Daggerlike legs prodding his flesh as it half emerged, the suitably hand-sized critter looked up at its guardian-host knowingly, purring. The boy smiled again, this time with softer feeling, purring back in reply.

Today had been a good day.

~xxx

Once again, a foray into fan fiction.

This time, I've returned to Naruto after a long, long time.

Perhaps I'll do something with this one…

Yes, this is a crossover- Men in Black 3. I suggest you go watch it OnDemand if you have XFinity/Comcast services, because it's on there now. If not, I'm sure it's still playing on available cable channels. If not, you can always rent the movie.

Like everybody's been saying, it's better than 2- possibly as good or better than 1. 2 needed to happen, though, so yeah.

If I need to explain what's up with Naruto to you guys, I will thump you right here from my comfy seat on the sofa in my mind. You have been warned.

In any case, **LEAVE REVIEWS **

I've hauled my muse out of cold storage, gone to all this trouble to bring you a new fanfic- after all this time

I realize my writing still smacks of unrelatable, weird, and possibly artsy fartsy analogous, but that's just how I write, folks. I'm out of practice and as a result very odd.

Then again, if I go and read God Give Him Will again, I'll probably feel a lot better about myself…or not.

In any case, I must carry on. This will sit on my hard drive until I can upload it when my internet stabilizes, and I will dive right back into writing as long as my sleep-deprived brain can hold out, this being 8:20 Ante Meridian Eastern Time after an all-night insomnia fest with a movie, breakfast tea, and lots of MiB clip-reviewing for info/inspiration.


	2. Flashback

**YEARS EARLIER…**

_Life had used to be predictably awful for Naruto. In short, it was the sort of unremittingly awful that he could stand to swallow on a daily basis, provided he didn't have to venture out for too long or too frequently for some necessity._

_Being alone was tough. Fending for himself was tough. Functioning like someone three times his size in terms of personal responsibility was something that came with ridiculous amounts of pressure and was just plain tough._

_The occasional harassment by his betters was bearable. Even if someone older and dubiously wiser gypped him out of a survivable deal for food or toilet paper, things panned out with some predictable regularity._

_What Naruto hated was being surprised. The less helpful the surprise, the less happy he was. _

_Now, the scamp sure loved getting the drop on somebody or freaking people out as much as the next kid, but he hated getting surprised. The more he knew, the sooner he knew, the better._

_That's how he did better than simply survive these past few years, keeping a step or two ahead of the "unexpected". Better safe than sorry, and never leaving stuff to chance if he could help it. _

_Unfortunately, fate had little regard for Naruto's comfort zone; with no warning came strange noises in the night, issuing from dark corners of his room. Sharp tapping and bumping and even purring disturbed the boy as he lay almost asleep, filling him with no end of dread._

_Had it been a raccoon or a cat, hell, a rat or two, it would have been manageable. Those things ran away when he got up and stomped around his apartment. Those could at least be startled into cowardly silence._

_But this new thing…in the dark…it had no fear. It answered. _

_Even more troubling is that whatsit- that bugbear, that creeping gremlin, that shadowy, sneaky thing, bane of his restful sleep- never showed itself. Not once._

_Naruto would hear it creeping, though, tippy tapping around. Slowly, patiently encroaching on his territory as the fog of sleep struggled to claim him._

_But whenever the young boy leapt up, roaring and screaming, stomping away- not a thing out of place greeted his tired eyes. With beads of cold sweat dripping down his quivering neck, Naruto would lay back to sleep as best he could, scrunching his eyes shut very hard, curling up and holding himself as if that would stave off the terrors of the unknown in his own home._

_Worse still, he would awake sometimes to strange marks all over his body, particularly on his hands. Nothing too permanent, but that they were there was enough to keep Naruto awake at night, wearing ducttaped oven mitts and brandishing the one frying pan he had…_

~xxx

I actually wrote this before the first chapter

Thing was, I didn't know where to go from here

It was also…NOT a good way to start this whole thing off.

It would have been more normal, it would have been easier to swallow…but it just wasn't what I was going for

Hence why it's technically chapter 2, if spiritually prologue part 1.

Now, I _could_ continue writing from here, throwing you right into the present, but that would be typical Naruto fan fiction writing style

Harley don't roll like that nuh uh

Chapter division's like with commas- it's where you take a breath, but you don't stop outright, like with a "The End" or period.

You don't just jump tracks mid-sentence, and it's the same thing when in the middle of a chapter.

Sure, you'll see chapters in stories where you'll have those big spaces between one point of view's part of the action and another's, but that's really chapter division and big on spontaneous chronology- which is a fancy way of saying the writer's trying to keep the whole book feeling like a play-by-play.

But this doesn't have multiple points of view, A, and B, it devalues what's going on.

I want you guys to really take in what's going on- like the course of a meal. Digest the chapters individually, get a sense for the flavor of each serving.

That's as much as I'll say here- I'm getting dangerously close to a bad habit of mine from another fic, wherein my A/N rants are as long as the true submissions or longer.


	3. Chapter 2

Naruto awoke at his usual time, an hour before dawn, immediately getting to stretching and simple exercises, letting Weasel out to scamper about for its own exercise.

After doing all of the normal stuff, the boy checked all the curtains in his apartment, as well as all the doors, closets, and loose floorboards. Satisfied after a little more searching for wouldbe spies, the blond stripped himself down to his birthday suit.

Following that, he began stretching his smaller parts, fanning his bodyfingers, airing out his "insides".

The first time he'd done this, it had been very dark and himself very confused. It was almost like masturbating, as little as he'd experienced of the activity, what with such strange, tension-relieving sensations, a fullbodied, physical and chemical spectacle of such intimacy that little else could be compared- like masturbating.

A very unfortunate thing was that the first time he'd done this in front of a mirror, he'd not only found himself disturbed and ashamed, but weeping for some time later.

Not that this was not understandable, but, for fuck's sake, it was his body.

Then again, maybe it had something to do with his misconception that he was falling apart or possessed or, dare he think it, out of control of his body.

None of these things were true, but it took many, many weeks to come to terms with his new state of being.

It was a very fortunate thing that he had the Academy and the studies related to it to keep his young mind busy, elsewise he'd have probably succumbed to something quite like madness right from the beginning.

But, as time went on he came to terms with his metamorphosis, and his new companion, as initially unwanted as it was, did help him cope with this weirdness. Partly because it, too, was weird, and also because it was responsible for the change in some fashion.

Naruto didn't know how, but, then again, he was never conscious for whatever tinkering the seemingly simple creature played upon his body.

Perhaps it was lonelier than him, or mayhaps it was just as loving a being as the boy would ever find in this life, but Naruto had the thing's oddly comforting attention ever since it had found him- and for that he was grateful.

Several months later, he was now also grateful for this new body. As horrorish as it would seem to those not possessing a similarly atypical form, it was a marvel- beautiful in its own right.

Naruto was still somewhat apprehensive of anyone ever seeing him like this, for more than wholly rational reasons, but he loved his new body for what it was.

Every inch of him was like a hand; he could hold a pencil with his feet and write out a coherent letter, he could open doors with his elbow, no matter what handle it had, he could drum the his fingers with his back, and he could even wave hello whilst touching his toes.

This wasn't even touching upon the realities of having "pockets" even when without clothes, being able to walk on all surfaces, having finger strength beyond the strength of most common tools like pliers or drills, or not having the need to breathe – ever.

The only real issues he had to deal with were clipping all those nails and being sure to clean himself _inside-out_. One was so he didn't look too funny and the other was so he didn't smell like a dead animal in the summer heat.

Having gotten in a very good stretch from every angle, the boy made his way to the bathroom to scrub every inch of himself that he could reach- and there was a lot he could reach. Today he would not do his run- today was all about being as presentable and fresh as he could manage.

The last thing he wanted to do was appear abnormal somehow- aside from the "always wearing shaded goggles and a winter warmup suit" thing.

As he stepped into the shower, Naruto basked in the bracingly cold water spraying his form, opening up to allow it to rinse his "insides", groaning as the downpour slowly heated up, making him feel clean as the heat scoured his sensitized inner flesh.

His moans reached below his normal range as he opened up to get rinsed even deeper, stretching as far as his already flexible form would allow, shivering with pure physical bliss.

But enough fun. Naruto closed himself up, reaching for the economically fat bar of milled soap to begin cleaning himself as a simple person. Whilst he needed to routinely clean his "insides", all he needed was water. Body soap was not pleasant on his inner flesh, the feeling was much like how it was when he got soapy water in his eyes before he changed- i.e: burning; continual, chemical burning.

If the need ever arose for seriously deep cleaning, he would use a solution of mouthwash and drinking water to scrub his inners out.

After Naruto rinsed off completely, he grabbed the fresh towel he'd washed last night for just this occasion, drying off from head to toe, making sure to get all those little in-between spaces (all 500-odd of them).

Quickly throwing on his clothes, he sniffed, rolling his shoulders, going over his mental checklist one more time. He snatched up his goggles, slapping them on over the gaping holes in his head.

Naruto breathed in deep, held it, then let it all out. The Weasel hopped onto his hand, tucking right back in with little hesitation. The 9 year old smiled, feeling in complete control for once in his life.

Showtime.

~xxx

As per his habit, Naruto showed up first in the classroom today, but was very quickly joined by his more overeager fellows, some wearing new clothes for the occasion, all wearing their headba-

He checked his forehead. Oh no.

Naruto bolted out of the classroom, startling everyone in the room and those just reaching the door. With blistering speed, the newly graduated Academy student streaked down the hallway, legs pumping away with power unbelievable for his size and age, figuratively and nearly quite literally tearing up the pavement to get back to his apartment.

About halfway back home, though, a thought occurred to the boy, wherein he stuck his hand down his collar, discreetly opening himself up to grope around inside. His fingertips touched something obviously not a part of him, something lukewarm and hard.

Grinning and shaking his head, Naruto pulled out his headband- he hadn't forgotten it after all. Of all the days and in all the ways…

Laughing to himself, the boy fastened his hitai-ate around his neck, jogging back to the Academy goodnaturedly.

~xxx

When he got back, the classroom was only a little fuller than how he left it, only having been gone about ten minutes. Naruto trotted back up to his seat, sighing and pulling it out, plopping into it with a breathy groan.

The newly minted genin muttered amongst themselves, some actually sneaking a glance at Naruto.

Too amused with himself to care, the boy randomly broke into soft laughter, making some of the more attentive students jump. Noticing that he was attracting more attention than usual, Naruto composed himself, scooting his seat closer to the desk, folding his hands in front of him and falling back into his natural silence.

The rest of the room was only made a little more at ease by this, only really forgetting about Naruto's uncharacteristic behavior as some more of the boy graduates came in, loud and proud about their positively monumental achievement.

~xxx

Soon after, Mr. Umino joined the graduate class with the new instructors in tow, announcing that the children would be split up into groups of 3 amongst the jōnin and that he would call out the arrangements.

And so it went- various students being called down and led out by their given instructors, the numbers thinning quickly as time went by. The boy listened to each listing attentively until…

"Team Four: Uzumaki Naruto, Haihachi Tora, Sakurazaki Mifune. Your instructor will be Jōnin Nazabata Keichi. Please come forward and follow your new instructor out."

Without pause, the youngest graduate quickly made his way to the front of the room, coming to stand before a rather bland specimen of a shinobi: average height, dark clothes, chunin vest, and headband worn in the usual chunin fashion to hold back his hair. All that was all that remarkable about him was that he was almost completely unremarkable and that he had some really green eyes.

His teammates quickly joined him and they all walked out, following the leader.

~xxx

Whilst the instructor was seemingly patently without distinction, the other two thirds of the rookie cell balanced the equation out by being extremely distinct- and loud.

Tora was the Graduate of the Year- everybody knew it. He made sure everybody knew it. He liked attention and went to any extent to get it. Where Naruto felt a second in the spotlight was one second too many, Tora felt 180 ° the opposite. Always acting out, always aiming to succeed, always targeting the A-Number One way to get everybody's eyes on him.

So, to say that he hated Naruto for just about never giving a shit about his existence except when the situation direly required it was a massive understatement. Up until now, though, he'd kept it under wraps. The blond picked it up the instant his new teammate got close in precisely the wrong way- and now he knew there would be some kind of an issue in the very near future. But he didn't worry about it too much- the boy was big, strong, and loud, but the big ones always cry the hardest.

The real issue was the girl of the team.

Mifune was a blabbermouth. In fact, she was _the_ blabbermouth- of the whole Academy. This was to compensate for one particular fact- she was stupid. Not stupid as in "slow" or stupid as in "doesn't learn like other people"- stupid. Straight up…stupid.

In fact, she was the dead last of the graduating class- she got by on one good clone and pity. She wasn't grateful about it, either- from the second she entered the classroom today, all she would talk about was how the tests were too hard and that the whole Academy was bullshit by design.

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

However, the problem was that she had a one-track mind and was hard to shake from a subject. Once she was on to something, she would commentate whatever particles of fact she could scrub up and add whatever strange opinion she held on the matter at the time.

Which, quite frankly, scared the crap out of Naruto quite a lot, what with him having way too much to hide. The one- ONE- time he'd brought instant ramen to class, Sakurazaki had a positive field day, making all sorts of conjecture about him being poor, being malnourished, possibly eating rats, being a bastard…it went on all day, and then on and off whenever she got bored for the next couple weeks.

About the time she got some actual dirt on him, there would be trouble.

So the 9 year old found himself pinned between a rock and a hard place in terms of healthy in-group relationships. His only hope was that his sensei wasn't a negligent ass and could actually instruct and discipline a bunch of minors with reasonable success

~xxx

"Alright, kids, let's get to know each other," Keichi-sensei announced, having led the three all the way to one of the numerable training grounds around the Hidden Leaf. He quickly found a tree trunk suited to his tastes and leaned back against it, facing his charges.

"Well how about you start? Isn't that usually how it works? Why don't you tell us who you are? Seriously, why not? It's not hard. Come on. Really. Seriously. We're waiting- or at least _I'm_ waiting, I dunno about you people. Yeah, this is really weird just somebody start introducing already I'm like getting bored yeah-"

Naruto watched with some dark amusement as his new teachers eyes slowly widened in the face of the mile-a-minute barrage of senseless babble coming out of his pupil's mouth.

"SHUT UP!"

Mifune stopped abruptly, stunned silent. At the Academy, nobody really told her to be quiet- partially out of politeness, but mostly out of having gotten used to her constant nattering. Naruto had the feeling her parents never did, either, nor anyone else. Ah, the feeling of childish innocence being trampled underfoot.

Keichi-sensei breathed in, then out. "Okay. Thank you."

The man leaned off the tree, standing up, arms crossed, drumming his fingers.

"Seeing as apparently introductions are somehow in need of a cute example, I will demonstrate:

My name is Nazabata Keichi, your Jōnin Instructor for you three cute genin. I'm a 23 year old field-tested shinobi, making me very fit, very rich, and very eligible. My role here is to be instructor to you lot as it's the duty I've been putting off for the maximal number of years and missions since earning my jōnin rank. My reasons for doing so are my own, but I can say my cash flow has been painfully reduced as a result of taking on you rookies. Suffice to say, I've no excuse to like you very much, but I'll make the best of it as is my prerogative and incentive. I like money and its uses, my dulcimer, and pretty girls. I dislike getting cheated, doing other people's jobs, and babysitting. My current hopes for the future is training you three up to where we can go on missions that actually make us some money and not go insane or sell my soul while getting there. Alright, bigmouth, you go next."

The one female of the group blinked, managing a sheepish half-smile before launching off.

"My name is Sakurazaki Mifune. I like my dad's pork buns, singing, and good listeners-"

Tora snorted derisively, playing it off unconvincingly as a sneeze, his teammate giving him the stink eye, but not taking the time to pause.

"-I dislike natto, violence, and rude people. My current hopes for the future is becoming a full-fledged kunoichi, finding out secrets for the Hidden Leaf."

Keichi nodded. "Thank you, Mifune. You go next, big boy."

Tora smirked, striking a "tough" pose as he began his speech. "My name's Haihachi Tora, and I'm the top dog of this year's graduating class! I like fighting, sexy girls, and being number one! I hate boring people, losers, and being told what not to do. My hopes for the future are getting a hot girlfriend, defeating the baddest ninjas out there, and getting my very own mansion."

The jōnin sniffed, raising an eyebrow. "O~kay. Right, specs- you're up."

Naruto pointedly sagged a bit, relaxing his posture, ignoring everything but his sensei. "I am Uzumaki Naruto, genin of the Leaf. I like meat and money. I don't care for showing off. My hopes for the future are becoming a better ninja and finding an ultimate purpose in my life."

His sensei's eyebrows rose at that one, seemingly out of pleasant surprise, nodding. "Not bad. Pretty basic, but I like it."

The blond didn't have to check to know that the attention whore of the team was shooting him the look of death. Still didn't care that much, though.

"So what do we do now? Bonding exercises? Trust exercises? Regular exercises? Get to know each other? Ignore each other? Create a love triang-"

The jōnin walked up to his verbose protégée, putting his hands on her shoulders and squeezing. "No. We go home and sleep. Shit starts tomorrow, 10 AM. Be back here then."

Keichi let go of Mifune, glancing at either of the boys in his charge. "That goes for the two of you as well. Don't start anything, don't get into any fights. You're genin- soldiers. You aren't schoolchildren anymore and any dissidence in the ranks will not be tolerated. Dismissed."

With that, their sensei formed a handsign and disappeared in a gust of wind.

The three blinked, pausing before setting off for the village the same way, meandering back to civilization.

"So Mifune- wanna catch a bite to eat?" Tora glanced over at the talkative girl, and not so subtly glanced over her developing curves. Dim and mouthy she might have been, but her body did more than enough speaking for itself.

Stifling a groan threatening to creep up his throat, the youngest of the group none too subtly broke off from the group, wanting as little to do with this display as possible. Unfortunately, it looked like fate and one of his teammates had other ideas, as Naruto felt two arms wrap around one of his, hugging him close to a taller, softer body.

"Nyeh~" Mifune said, sticking her tongue out at the Rookie of the Year. "I said I liked good listeners - and not rude people."

All Naruto heard was incoherent sputtering before he felt a strong yank on his arm, his unwanted companion tugging him along as she ran out of the clearing, giggling.

He had a bad feeling about this.

~xxx

Naruto found himself dragged most of the way to his teammate's house before he found the sense to dig in his heels, bringing the two man procession to a halt. The older girl's head whipped around, her wide, brown eyes full of innocent confusion.

"Why'd you stop? Don't you wanna get home?"

Naruto huffed, looking back at Mifune. "My home's in a different place than yours. I need to get going that way." The blond pointed in the general direction of the dodgier part of Konoha.

"Oh," the girl said, brushing a lock of her wavy auburn hair out of her face. Realization quickly became apparently in her eyes, a blush rising to her cheeks in embarrassment. "Ohhhhhh."

"So…I have to…yeah. Goodbye." Naruto shook off his teammate's grip with relative ease, backing away before turning to set off in the direction of home.

Without warning, Naruto felt delicate fingers wrap around his arm and, with an unexpected determination and vigor, got whipped around and thrown into a nearby wall facefirst. Confused and caught unaware, the same strangely strong arms tugged him back around and slammed him back against the wall as Mifune swept down on him with her intimidatingly bigger body, crushing him hard against the concrete wall before crushing his mouth with hers, her lips wet and hungry.

Stunned by this sudden invasion, his apparently crazed teammate rammed her tongue between his teeth, not minding the inappropriate number of points or the gamey flavor, probing his vulnerable mouth with heated abandon. In short order, Naruto could do little else other than return the favor, his tongue snaking into his comrade's mouth, tasting her soft, clean mouth, gentle, yet dizzy with alien bliss. A shudder eked its way out from Mifune's tender mouth, a moan forming in reaction to her junior's unexpectedly exquisite returns.

Somewhere in the insanity, reason returned to Naruto's brain, and he quickly felt something was wrong. With as much might as he dare muster, Naruto thrust the amorous Sakurazaki away from him, quickly pulling his prehensile tongue back into his mouth. He half hated himself for denying himself such unusual pleasure, all his fingers tensing and clenching at once- but it had to be stopped.

Mifune's soft brown eyes were locked on him, barely focused behind her low, fluttering eyelashes, her lips parted carelessly in a needy partial gape.

Naruto shook his head, inadvertently growling a little bit in consternation, his fingers instinctively running through his yellow hair, fisting in the soft strands before promptly letting go.

"This- I've…See you tomorrow."

With that, the boy took off, leaving his strangely amorous compatriot stranded.

~xxx

Seething, writhing across his apartment's floor, the boy wrestled with himself, inside and out.

Why couldn't anyone leave him alone? This was too weird- too new.

He was used to being ignored, knowing he was seen as uninteresting, and he took comfort in that sort of social armor, that barrier of anti-interest that kept him from being bothered.

But now…in two days two girls had accosted him

Wait, why was he counting the other girl? She didn't…

Oh, why kid himself? It was obvious that something was interesting enough about him to attract these…strange people.

There was nothing about him that was credible or conventional or accepted by these older kids. He was weird. He was a freak. He was way too different for anyone to like him.

AND YET THIS FUCKING HAPPENED!

The blond groaned, continuing to wriggle and moan until he eventually wore himself out, passing into slumber with a sudden sense of apathy toward this unwelcome drama in his life

Naruto's little friend poked out from a crack in the wall, watching its companion with noticeable concern as the boy drifted off to sleep. Humans did this…they had to have…

~xxx

The first thing Naruto noticed was it was too bright in his room. Then he noticed the strange fatigue that clung to his body. And then it occurred to him he was likely late

Bolting up, the blond glanced at the kitchen clock, cursing, and then jumped clear out the nearby window with a crash.

Time marched on, the little hand edging toward 10.

~xxx

Naruto rushed into the clearing, dizzy, coughing, and veins surging with adrenilin. The sight that greeted him was…nothing.

Nobody was here. But how? Surely nobody would think of being late for this.

Then again, considering their rather hands-off sensei…

A soft breeze wound its way through the training ground, carrying with it a cocktail of strange scents. Uzumaki turned toward it, taking a deep whiff.

It was really strange…morning breath…perfume…sweat…

Naruto took a step forward, trying to get a better nose for the scent. Salty…musky…smells like boy- and girl

And something…something else…

Something…

The blond nearly choked on his breath, before growling hard and low, sprinting into the thick of the forest in search of the scent.

Blood.

~xxx

"You know you love it- you know you do. Just take it, you horny bitch-"

Tora had his teammate pinned against a tree, rutting between her red streaked legs, one hand holding her wrists together, his nose in her hair, inhaling her sweet scent as he continued to talk dirty into her ear. She couldn't really talk back, though- not with his other hand harshly clamped over her mouth.

Then he heard a twig snap behind him. The Rookie of the Year craned his head around to see the peeping creeper- Naruto.

"Oh hey there teammate. Lookin for Mifune, right? Well, shucks, looks like you're outta luck. She came onto me, shrimpy."

The larger boy stepped aside to let his fellow genin get an eyeful of his handiwork. It was obvious the girl had gone to some trouble making herself up and picking out her outfit for today- and it was obvious it was completely ruined now.

Mifune's mascara had run in thick, sporadic lines all across her face, evidence of her position constantly changing to her captor's whims. Her lipstick was smeared all to hell, the mouth that had so indescribably enraptured Naruto now a swollen, discolored, bruised mess. Her nose was mercifully intact, but the same couldn't be said for her clothes.

Purposeful rips and tears to bare more flesh, and some seemingly the result of some struggle put up on the girl's part, what was originally a cute, functional sort of exercise outfit now completed the tableau of awfulness displaying the extent of Tora's inner brutality and lack of humanity.

Well, if somebody wanted to play "Who's the Better Monster", Naruto could certainly oblige…

"Come on, it's obvious you're not wanted- piss off."

"What's obvious," Naruto growled, his voice pitching deeper than seemed possible for his small frame, "is that I'm going to have much fun **ripping your head off**."

Clenching his fists hard, the boy stalked forward, his flesh writhing under his clothes, intent on making good on his threat. Tora blanched, letting go of his prize in a hurry, fumbling through a series of handsigns. Naruto closed the distance before the bully could finish, though, hauling back and delivering a murderous sideswipe, knocking the boy clear off his feet, sending him crashing through the underbrush nearby. Gnashing his many-pointed teeth, the freakish boy quickly followed, crushing dry foliage underfoot as he stomped toward the monster.

Tora lurched up, stumbling on his uncertain feet, woozy from Naruto's one blow. He shook it off as best he could, though, and rallied enough to pull a karambit knife, switching to a backhand grip as he flicked a shuriken at the blond's vulnerable throat. The Rookie of the Year just about shat his heart out when his teammate's throat opened up and _ate_ the weapon.

"What the fuck are you?!" Tora screamed, eyes widening to their limit.

Naruto growled, not pausing for a second as he bore down on his traitorous comrade.

"**Better than **_**you**_," the 9 year old monster replied, red vapor streaking from behind his goggles.

Haichachi Tora would have screamed again, had Naruto not had his hand around his throat.

Mifune lay there for what seemed like hours, too drained to do anything but stare up at the sunlight streaking through the leaves and the whimpers of Tora as Naruto went to work on him. At some point, she lapsed into unconsciousness, not caring what happened to her anymore.

What seemed like the very second she closed her eyes, she felt a hand on her shoulder, the touch so soft as if to ask her permission to stay there. Out of reflex, she flinched, and the hand withdrew without a sound.

"Mifune…I'm sorry."

The wannabe kunoichi opened her leaden eyelids, struggling somewhat to look up at her savior. Her stomach half lurched at the sight that filled her view.

It was Naruto, alright- the blood streaking his face didn't hide that, nor did the slightly bared, double-pointed fangs that filled his mouth. Tora had apparently tried to struggle against the blond at some point, and it seemed to have turned out just as futile as it had with Mifune against the supposed "Proud Tiger of the Leaf". Pitiful few, light gouges from nails clawing into his face, as well as some suspicious pattern of blood right down the middle of the younger genin's throat- and his goggles were knocked askew. Now Mifune had some idea why Tora had screamed himself hoarse.

Nothing but empty, black space occupied Naruto's eye sockets, unnerving and somehow foreign. However, the soft, very unthreatening expression the boy wore offset the disturbing lack of any apparent eyes, keeping the deadlast genin somewhat at ease.

"N-Naruto! There you are!"

The absentee sensei finally made his appearance, quickly noticing Mifune and the state of her. "Mifu- what the fuck happened here?!"

Naruto sighed, readjusting his goggles as he turned to face his negligent teacher. "Tora happened."

Keichi-sensei blinked. "Wait how? This is awful- from what I've heard, he's better than this."

The 9 year old genin stood up, stepping aside to let the jōnin see the full extent of the damage. "Better than this? In public, maybe…"

Nazabata-sensei stumbled back, burping as he obviously tried to choke down the urge to vomit. Naruto just stood there, sighing and sparing Mifune a forlorn glance.

"This is gonna be the end of Team 4 for a while, isn't it?"

"N-no shit. Wait here- I'll get a med squad out here. You're gonna need to fill out some forms..."

With that, the jōnin took off, cursing.

~xxx

Y-ye gods…

This fic went from creepy to grimdark in nothing flat.

Lots of plot here, tho.

Sorry that I didn't try to follow a different path and have Naruto follow the path as an impressive Boglodite shinobi child prodigy, but this was all really setting the stage for the main event.

Naruto isn't meant to be some sort of Possession Sue, nor am I trying for some souped-up main.

Our slumdog genin isn't meant to be _better_ than good ol' canon Naruto- he's just meant to be different.

For one, it's readily apparent there's crack to be found everywhere. Just at the tip of the iceberg is this whole deal with Naruto already having a history in the ninja world- well, if you look at it a certain way, in the right light, on a specific time of day on this one time of the year…

I say if you're gonna do the "strange rumors about a mysterious past", you might as well do it right. You don't have to spell it out from the getgo like I did, but, for God's sake, don't write it like you're making it up as you go along. Screw that- that's what subpar writers like Kyuubi16 and VFSNAKE are for.

Now, I can't dump down a shitton of words in a chapter on a regular basis yet, but I can promise a premium quality for what I give you, even when it's a dry time for me.

But enough pumping myself up- I need you guys, the readers. Without you, my work's simply a ship for another fic concept, and I don't want that.

With your support, I will confidently strive as best I can to deliver you guys a story- something to sink your teeth into night after night.

I've nowhere to go right now, with both my feet going under the knife for some fairly necessary stuff- one nail had quite an infection starting under it, as well as a lovely neuroma, and another was significantly ingrown in a painful way.

So I'm gonna be sedentary for some time yet, feet propped up on the sofa when not being soaked, me slurping down copious amounts of immensely sweetened Irish Breakfast tea as I crank out more of this stuff for you guys.

With that in mind, would it kill any of you to plunk out a couple sentences for a review for a chapter, letting me know you're reading and interested? I'd love to hear what all of my readers have to say, bar none.

So drop me a line or so while I carry on bringing you more of this story.

Cheers :)


	4. Chapter 3

The circumstances and events following the rather unfortunate incident concerning genin Team 4 were, in short, excruciating.

Haihachi Tora was quickly found guilty of the charges filed against him, and, with the extensive political influence of Sakurazaki's family on either side of the line, the punishment was meted out to the fullest extent of the law. After a slow climb out of a long history in the seedy underbelly of organized crime and shadowy dealings with unsavory types, the Haihachi name was now solidly buried in the mud.

As hasty as the patriarch of the family was to disown his son and ship him off to prison, he and his estate were not spared the wrath of the wronged party by any measure. His titles were taken away from him, and a significant portion of possessions and royalties seized as measured recompense for the grievance.

Impressive though this legalized socioeconomic thrashing was, it didn't heal the damage done; Mifune, once so loud and joyful and full of youthful exuberance, was now sullen and withdrawn from the world, a hollow remainder of the person she once was. Rumor was that she hadn't spoken a single word since that awful day, not even after her malefactor had been dealt his just desserts.

As for what became of Naruto, well…

~xxx

Although his actions were understandably justified, they did not sit well with the civilian council, as relevant as the situation _wasn't_ to them. After some small time spent arguing, a decision was reached in terms of treatment toward the boy of not-even-10: Passed down by the military council, given some excessive armtwisting by the ethics committee of the civilian council, Naruto was to serve a minimum of 500 days community service in the form of "E" missions.

The function of E missions for the ninja society in Konohagakure was to make use of fractured genin teams and other resident shinobi with various grievances filed against them to make themselves useful during their time outside of professional service. In short, E class missions were essentially D class missions without pay and the right to refuse service withheld.

Anybody else relegated to this form of community service would have protested, but Naruto simply nodded and got to work. As humbling as it was to those who had been reared in comfier settings, it had little to no impact on the boy as far as "disgrace" went. It was a relief to simply have to serve a simple work sentence rather than be stripped of his rank and cast out.

~xxx

Time passed quickly enough, Naruto making the best of his situation. Extensive hours spent toiling away at various odd jobs as they continued to pile up made it hard to find time to buy the essentials for living. However, if anything could be said of Naruto, regardless of whom you asked, one would always say he was tenacious- and on that strength of will he managed and eventually thrived.

With a majority of his waking hours spent in manual labor- plowing fields, running packages, moving furniture, and the like- the effects showed. Although the boy was still a couple years away from true muscle building age, he developed a strong, whipcord lean body, tough throughout and in remarkable condition. If there was any doubt before that he was meant for a grownup world, it was gone now.

When the time came for the sentence to be up, Naruto ignored it. He was used to the routine, and came to enjoy the experience of getting knuckle deep in the mud, as it were. On some level he knew that it would be some time before he'd find a team to be placed on, as controversial as his brief rap sheet was, so he concentrated on what situations he could control.

Then came a couple odd surprises.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Naruto's stipend increased in size. Staring at the total amount, it took the boy a moment to notice the extra title added to the positive values field- "Assignment Pay, Genin – D". The number next to that was a ridiculously high sum- higher than Naruto had ever thought his labor worth. Sure, there was a percentage taken out for the various taxes and fees, but he'd be damned if it wasn't his money.

At the soonest opportunity he could, the boy went shopping. Oddly enough, the first things he'd bought weren't new clothes or food- instead, he'd nearly broken the bank getting lightbulbs, a small floor safe, and a toaster. As foolish as it seemed, being able to have a well-lit home for the first time since he'd gotten it from the village municipality was like a dream.

It also revealed how much of a dump Naruto's apartment really was- holes and cracks and some areas missing significant chunks. The boy maintained no illusions that this apartment was anything but a step up from being an opium den, but with proper lighting it was immediately apparent that the place was an armpit.

Naruto forgot about coming to grips with this revelation and in the following month he bought tools, drywall, plaster, paint, and plenty of other, non-interesting things to children his age to fix up his home. The skinny blond turned plenty of heads on his excursions to the home improvement shops, industriously packing along a proportionally ridiculous amount of token contractor supplies, tucked under either arm and strapped to his deceptively sturdy back.

It took another couple weeks to essentially tear the whole place down and start from scratch, the entire project manageable enough for the boy who spent two years tackling near identical tasks in the name of community service. The whole ordeal was slow going, but satisfying, in the end Naruto's home finally seeming suitable for living in.

Of course, the paint was barely dry before the next, even bigger surprise came in the mail.

As per the inquiry of the standards committee of the military council, Uzumaki Naruto, genin, was to retake the final semester of Academy training in order to suitably induct him back into the ranks as shinobi in all capacities.

The boy could hardly help the grin that split his face- not that he felt the need to.

At long last, he was really, truly back in the saddle

~xxx

Walking down the hall, inhaling the familiar atmosphere of the Academy, Naruto felt renewed. Although he could hardly call his time here halcyon days, collected within these walls were memories of time well spent and important lessons learned.

Entering the same classroom as before, seemingly not changed at all since he last stood in its doorway, the now older boy climbed the short steps up to his old seat at the back, smiling to himself wistfully like a fool.

Being the earliest student like always, Naruto sat and waited, hands folded in front of him, twiddling his thumbs. Just like old times.

Of course, it was a bit of a shock when kids his own age started walking in, but then that was to be expected; after being ahead of the curve for so long, it was a little funny to see people just his size sitting in those seats.

What amused Naruto even further was that he'd started out and passed all these kids years ago. Sure, the outfits changed, but the boy noted all those familiar faces.

Kiba, the boy who always smelled of his clan's dogs, now possessing a dog to go with the smell. Chōji, the kid who was always eating something, now even bigger than before. Shino, the bug boy, seeming as still and implacable as he always was.

The girls were new- then again, the last semester was only the co-ed one. Plenty of these new faces seemed like spiritual successors to, well, the girls from the last time Naruto was here. Bother.

Sighing to himself, the returning student drummed his fingers on the desk, waiting for the teacher to walk in. Wonder of wonders as a friendly face entered the room, coming to stand in front of the desk.

Calling the class to order, the apparent teacher went down the list doing the roll call. When he got to Naruto's name, he looked over to the far corner of the room without a second thought.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Iruka announced, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Present," the blond replied, lazily raising a hand.

"Glad to have you again. Let's make some memories now, eh?"

As Mr. Umino went down the rest of the list, Naruto resisted the urge to smirk. It was too much like old times.

Some students craned around to get a look at him, causing the boy's eyebrow to tick. Way too much like old times.

~xxx

And once again we've conquered the successful completion of another chapter. Hip hip hoorah.

Due to some rather pressing concerns and queries expressed in the reviews thus far, I'll try to spell some things out.

Yes, this is a crossover. Naruto with Men in Black 3. I'll eventually stick this story in the "correct" category.

Naruto is not going to be using his canon techniques- sorry to disappoint. Apparently saying right there in the summary that things were different doesn't convey the gravity of just about EVERYTHING being different.

He can use Bunshins competently, as well as Kawarimi and Henge- this is readily apparent if you read the first chapter.

As far as Kage Bunshin no Jutsu…that's a no go. Likely it will be the same with Rasengan, but you never know; perhaps all those extra fingers will come in handy.

Come to think of it, Naruto's chakra coils should be pretty interesting, seeing as he is a Boglodite and a vessel for the demon fox Kyuubi. If you didn't catch the hint at the end of Chapter 2, I'm here to inform you that, yes, Naruto is still the holder of the Nine Tailed Demon Fox.

However, allow me to make something clear- Naruto does not have those whisker marks.

"Why?" some Naruto fanatics will ask.

Well, the reason could easily be tacked down to this- I don't think it fits anymore. He looks weird enough with finger-eyebrows and double-pointed teeth to merit further mindfuckery.

In the long run, this is inconsequential to any part of the story- except in that it obliterates any connection to that "sensitive whisker marks" that random girls can just rub up because haha it's blatantly symbolic for handjobs lololol

I mean srsly I don't want any of that. This is a science fiction fic- let's keep it real, alright?

In any case, please let me know what you think of this so far in your reviews. Your opinions are genuinely appreciated and I will love you forever if you would review every chapter- at least from this point forward.

Alright? Pretty please with sugar on top, yo.


	5. Chapter 4

For the first few weeks of the semester, Naruto did what he had always done studying at the Academy. He quickly reabsorbed the knowledge that had faded away in his time outside of the classroom, positively tearing through the standard texts. Once finished, the knowledge-hungry preteen started again, going slower this time. When he finished rereading all the given information, he went back and read it all through yet again.

And so it went for Naruto, who grew increasingly impatient with nothing new to gain from the Academy. It was about a week into the third month when it occurred to the 12 year old that the command for him to repeat his education was less for the purpose of refreshing his memory for him to rejoin the ranks of the Leaf shinobi as it was a formality. As tedious as it was, the boy was mature and openminded enough to see the logic in it, and carried on without complaint.

However, this wasn't to say he didn't mess around. If anything, his more childish impulses found an outlet in the day-to-day in the Academy.

He slept through lectures, never noticed for the facts that he didn't need to breath, and so never snored, and he was perfectly comfortable with sleeping sitting up. Naruto only got caught once, near the end of the year, when Mr. Umino called on him to give an explanation on a fairly advanced concept for rookie level- and only getting dead, awkward silence back. That is, until he beaned the blond narcoleptic in the face with the chalk he'd hand on hand, which led to mild hilarity as the startled boy fell out of his seat, flailing like mad.

The boy also watched certain students during class, as well as the in-session exercises and field routines. When he got bored with studying one student, his attention moved on to another, and then another. For some reason it kept coming back to the two female classmates that came from clans, a contrasting pair of girls that couldn't be more different from each other if they'd tried. Of course, he was careful about when and where he did it, as both shared the disturbing habit of staring at him on occasion. Bother.

Naruto also developed some less innocuous routines, some of which really drove poor Mr. Umino up a wall on occasion.

Having completely conquered the curriculum, which for some strange reason had been dumbed down since his first time around in the Academy, the blond mischiefmaker went about completing his writing assignments in a variety of strange ways. Sometimes he'd write the answers backwards. Other times he'd go as far as to write every answer in code, occasionally providing a simple cipher for the more ridiculous answers. For the majority of the time, however, he'd write out deliberate gibberish or all the correct answers/solutions in the wrong places.

There were also points where Naruto indulged in playground subterfuge, planting things like letters from one student to another, or a small gift of some modest value with a card reading "For that Special Someone 3". This sort of thing was common enough, but the cases of assumption and completely mistaken identity led to a fair share of laughs throughout the semester.

In short, Naruto indulged his long-repressed inner child, having as much fun during his continued enrollment at the Academy as he could.

By the date of the final exam, the boy had actually grown a bit as a person. The change wasn't anything dramatic, but it was a sign that Naruto was beginning to make the transition from child to adult, as weird as that promised to be with his…condition.

Now all that remained to be seen as far as his future was concerned what where he'd end up- and whom he'd end up with- the boy's re-graduation all but a foregone conclusion.

~xxx

Sure enough, the blond found himself staring the exam day dead in the eye, and passed the only part of the test- a demonstration of the Bunshin technique. Mr. Umino and Naruto shared a knowing look as the boy came forward to take his second headband.

After the exams were over with, the chunin schoolteacher found his former protégée sitting outside on the swing, a contemplative look on his face.

"Kinda funny, teaching a student twice," the man remarked.

Naruto scuffed his heel on the ground, sniffing. "Yeah."

"Musta been pretty interesting, having to come back and pass again after all that time..."

The boy cleared his throat, setting his elbows on his knees and turning to look up at the scarred man. "How much did you hear? About what happened after graduation, I mean."

Mr. Umino sighed, putting his hands behind his head, saying "Not a lot, really. Plenty of vague half-truths mixed in with all the pabulum. Only real consistent part was that you beat up at least some part of your team in a bad way."

"Oh," Naruto said, absently scratching his head, "Yeah, that's basically what happened."

"How come?" the brunet said, raising an eyebrow.

"Cuz he hurt somebody else."

"Oh…"

The two just stayed there, in silence, keeping each other company as the minutes passed by, the sun lethargically creeping toward the horizon. Naruto found that he truly enjoyed it; just sharing space with a person, allowed to be silent and simply live in the moment. It was almost a shame when he realized he had to get home, getting up to say his goodbye.

Not minding at all, his former sensei smiled at him, shaking the boy's hand for the first time since they'd met, bidding him farewell as he, too, started back for home.

All in all, it had been a very good ending to one part of his life and a very promising beginning to the next.

~xxx

Don't hate me for this thing being so short.

Updating regularly is a very new experience for me, and as such it's a shooting pain in the ass.

Next chapter is probably gonna be a lot easier to produce, but I'm making no promises.

Also: throat singing – that shit rocks

**In Addition!**

In reaction to a reviewer who seems to be a hardcore reader-only type fanfictioneer, I've decided to put his review on blast and reply here:

"He lives in the middle of a giant forest and he eats pidgeons? And fantasizes about eating whales? WHALES? I don't even know anymore." - 3ch0

He lives in the middle of a ninja village in a forest. Yes, he eats the pigeons. And the rats. And the cats. And the woozles.

To elaborate on the whale meat fantasy, it's considered a delicacy in Japanese culture, in much the same way bison meat or porkbelly is in more Western cultures. Perfectly reasonable that you'd find that odd, but, then again, this is a very odd story to begin with.

In any case, thanks for reviewing!


	6. Chapter 5

The following morning was a bit of a mess, for a number of reasons- mostly stemming from the fact Naruto's previous, incomplete registry as a shinobi of the Leaf.

So the blond had to show up bright and early to get his ninja profile picture taken, as well as filing the confounded paper itself. It was a bit of a hassle to negotiate being allowed to wear his headgear for the photograph, but in the end he managed.

After that, it was more bureaucratic wonderfulness in the form of filing his taxes, which took a fair chunk of time and left the poor preteen feeling terribly drained.

So Naruto went for a pickmeup in the form of meat skewers from a stand, savoring the half dozen he'd purchased on the way to the Academy.

~xxx

The orientation was far enough along that the boy walked in just as his team was being called.

"Team 7: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, and Haruno Saku- oh, thanks for joining us at long last, Naruto!"

"Hey, hey," the blond replied, lazily waving, going to lean back against one of the front row desks, seeing no point in climbing up to his seat.

Iruka-sensei smiled, eyebrow twitching, looking back toward the general congregation. "Alright, so Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura, you're on Team Seven with Uzumaki Naruto, under the _auspicious tutelage_ of Jōnin Hatake Kakashi."

When none of the present instructors stepped forward, Mr. Umino sighed, sharing a look with each of the three students. "…eventually."

Naruto decided to take a proper seat, right next to his new teammate, Sakura, nodding in her general direction and then ignoring her. The longer he could put off getting to know women- after last time- the better.

~xxx

Sakura was indecisive as to who to pay attention to: Naruto, who was so mysterious and different from all the other boys, or _Sasuke_, who was just so _mysterious_, so _different_ from the other boys

The one girl of the newly minted Team 7 was at a loss.

On the one hand, Sasuke was a familiar face- and a cute one at that- strong, competent, and very eligible as a bachelor. He was obviously in need of somebody in his life, but never seemed to have much regard for anybody, as if they needed to get on his level in order for him to see eye to eye with them. This was fine with Sakura- she'd be there for Sasuke through thick and thin. Over time, they'd grow close…find things in common…get to know each other…

Squealing to herself, Sakura blushed, shaking her head to clear it before looking over at Naruto, contrasting Sasuke's contemplative posture with a more laidback, maturely confident one.

Uzumaki Naruto was the opposite of the Uchiha, exuding a calmer, more down-to-earth feeling. The yellow-haired boy was an enigma to everybody, coming from nothing and surpassing everyone here…yet coming back to graduate with them.

There were all sorts of rumors, surrounding his origins, from being an escaped slave to being some pirate captain's bastard get. His exotic yellow hair, much different from the starker Yamanaka blonde, and his rough, manly features struck a chord in several girls in the class, earning him some secret admirers. Other rumors had it that he was popular with older girls, and that he had some rather H dalliances with those that caught his eye.

The rosette bit her bottom lip, clenching her fists against her skirt at the images appearing in her head, featuring Uzumaki and some prominently buxom beauty. She near about slammed her forehead into the desk when the face of the beauty turned into hers, pressing the sun-tanned face of her imagined lover into her-

She took three calming breaths before continuing with her less perverse train of thought.

Sakura loved her gossip as much as the next girl, but most of the talk about Naruto was all the conjecture and wild stories people came up with, guessing at who he was and what he did. What was certain was very little.

He lived in probably the worst part of the village, by himself. He had nobody but himself to depend on, and was seen working various jobs around the Hidden Leaf.

What was insane was that he didn't seem down at all, never tired, never sad, never lonely. The last one bugged everyone the most, as he didn't push anybody away, but he never really cared. With Sasuke, it was just a matter of being up to par, but with Naruto, what he wanted from people was a mystery, and he seemed perfectly happy to be left by himself.

So Uzumaki was a frustrating person to get to know for generally everybody- although Ino was obviously undeterred, saying that Naruto was interested in her and that he blah blah blah

Who cares what the Pig thinks? Sakura huffed, crossing her arms and shooting the Yamanaka a look, who made a face right back at her.

Time passed rather arduously for the three, as nobody really talked to each other, although Sakura certainly tried.

It was some ridiculous hour when a new face walked through the door- although you couldn't see much of it. Naruto immediately slapped his hands on the desk, pushing himself up and walking up to the man without a word.

"Hatake Kakashi, I presume?"

The tall, silvery-haired man blinked. "Er, yes?"

Naruto bowed humbly to the newly identified instructor. "I am honored to finally meet your acquaintance, sensei."

The Jōnin blinked again. "My first impression of you guys is-"

He pointed at Naruto, who remained bowed. "-I like this guy."

~~xxx


	7. Chapter 6

The trio of wouldbe shinobi had followed the Jōnin up to the top of the Academy building, and were now standing in a row, an awkward silence beginning to set in. All that they could hope for was that somebody said something to break the standoff.

"So…why don't you introduce yourselves?" Kakashi said, sitting back against the guardrail bordering the roof. The girl of the group tried to share a look with one of her compatriots, holding herself, before deciding to take the plunge.

"Um…what do you want to know?"

The masked man sighed, crossing his arms laxly, and then uncrossed them. "Nothing special- name, likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future."

Sakura blinked, before asking "Why don't you introduce yourself? I mean, you look suspicious and all."

Sasuke sighed, scuffing his heel before sitting on the ground, resting his elbows on his knees, his teammates following suit.

"Oh me? My name is Hatake Kakashi. I have no desire to tell you guys my likes or dislikes…"

Naruto raised an eyebrow behind his goggles.

"Dreams for the future… Hm…"

Well, I do have lots of hobbies…'

"So all we learned was his name," the girl of the team half-muttered to herself

"Since you're so chatty, I guess it's your turn, missy," Kakashi said, arms spreading wide like it was some grand production.

"Oh! Well, my name is Haruno Sakura. Um…Something I like…_someone_ I like…" Sakura bit her lip, blushing, "My hopes for the future…"

The girl giggled, half hiding her face in her hands. Noticing everyone's eyes were on her, the rosette coughed into her little fist, straightening up like a proper lady before continuing.

"My hobbies are…" she snuck a none-too-subtle look at Sasuke, who looked like he'd rather be somewhere else doing something.

"I dislike-" Sakura's face hardened, a shadow seeming to creep in front of her eyes, "-competition."

Kakashi shifted in his seat, seeming to share a certain lack of enthusement with Sasuke, whom he turned his attentions to now. "I see...next."

Lacing his fingers, the boy looked down at the ground, half-speaking into his hand with an audible nasal drawl.

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There are plenty of things I dislike, but I don't really like anything.

"And…I don't want to use the word 'hope' or 'dream', but…

"I have an ambition. The rebirth of my clan and…"

The boy glared in front of him, at nothing in particular. "To kill a certain man."

A pregnant pause set in, everyone reacting in different ways. Kakashi frowned, silent but seemingly judgmental. Naruto sniffed, scratching his nose under his goggles, not showing all that much affect from his teammate's declaration. Sakura was…predictable.

Sighing, Kakashi nodded. "Okay…and, lastly, the specs."

The nickname ringing a rather sensitive bell, Naruto's eyebrow ticks, hard enough for the motion to be noticeable with his conspicuous headgear. "Alright…My name is Uzumaki Naruto. My likes are rather boring, so I don't feel like sharing them. I dislike traitors and the selfish… I can't say I have any hobbies… My dream's the same as it's always been- become the best shinobi I can be."

The Jōnin, satisfied, stood up from his perch. "That's enough of that. We'll start our duties tomorrow."

Naruto pushed himself up, sucking his teeth. "We have to wait another day until we get to the real stuff? Oh okay…so what duties do we have, sensei?"

"First we're going to do something with just the four of us."

"What?" Sakura asked, picking herself up off the ground, an attentive look plain on her face.

"Survival Training," the Jōnin answered, leaning back against the guardrail.

"Why is our duty training, sensei?" Sakura asked, disdain creeping into her eyes "Didn't we do enough of that at the Ninja Academy?"

"I'm your opponent- but this isn't normal training."

"Really?..." Sasuke said, coolly standing up.

Kakashi chuckled, shaking his head.

"What's so funny, sensei?" Sakura said, sweat beading down her temple.

"Well…it's just that…when I tell you this, you guys are gonna flip."

Feeling his patience beginning to sink fairly low, Naruto gritted his teeth. "Because…?"

"Of the twenty-seven graduates," Kakashi said, resting his face in his hand, looking back at his students, "Only nine will be chosen as Genin- the rest will be sent back to the Academy.

"This training is a super difficult exam with a failure rate of over sixty-six percent!"

Naruto sighed, tapping his foot. Sasuke just glared harder at his theatrical teacher. Sakura looked positively dyspeptic.

"This got something to do with the lowered Academy standards, sensei?" Naruto asked, taking a step forward.

Kakashi brightened a little, standing up. "Hmm, how do you figure that? Anyways, secrets, secrets~"

Kakashi tapped the bridge of his nose before taking a step forward. "Anyway, you'll be graded tomorrow on the training field. Bring all your shinobi tools- and skip breakfast, or you'll be throwing it all up."

Naruto sighed. More pains in the ass.


	8. Chapter 7

As the three headed down from the roof, Naruto got to wondering about the possible ramifications of a number of things, including that of tomorrow's allegedly murderously challenging test, and his two teammates.

It was a near carbon copy of his previous assigned group, apart from only one being loud and a potential hazard. The only upsides so far were that the Rookie of the Year wasn't driven by his insecurities and that the female of the team wasn't as oversexed, although looks could be deceiving. Naruto snuck a glance at Sakura, who seemed engrossed with watching their other teammate with the intent concentration of a hawk peering down at its potential prey.

From his point of view, this dedicated obsession was going to lead to a fair amount of problems down the road- best to nip this cataclysm in the bud.

When they got to street level, Naruto made up his mind. He closed in on his preoccupied teammate, putting a hand on her shoulder. Sakura immediately reacted, twisting around to look at the blond, looking somewhere between confused and expectant.

"Sakura," Naruto began, "I'm afraid I need you right now."

The girl visibly blushed, mouth opening and closing, unable to form any coherent words.

With that, Naruto calmly released her, turning in the general direction of home. "Follow me…"

And so Sakura did, sparing Sasuke a longing glance as distance grew between her and the brooding Adonis before turning back, tripping over her own feet as she moved to catch up with her enigmatic teammate.

This was really unexpected.

This was really, really unexpected.

Oh, God, this was such a twist of fate!

Before, he was impenetrable, indifferent…now, he'd near declared his unknown desires for her!

Sakura squirmed silently as she followed the solid back of her teammate. This was impossibly unimaginable! She was unable to still herself…this development was too big.

What was a fairly clear dynamic of Sasuke silently demanding her to climb to gain his favor and become his wife, Naruto presenting himself as an equally silent adversary in love, and Kakashi and Ino serving as foils for her romantic plans had turned into this…this mess! Now it was clear Naruto was making his play, not ready to stand by and _take_ leaving the future of his marriage in Sakura's hands, challenging Sasuke in love and strength, which would lead to a duel of fate- ultimately to the death…or something else…

The rosette repressed the urge to kick herself, feeling the growing threat of a nosebleed- just what she needed now!

…this wasn't even counting the mess of Ino, that sow! She was already switchhitting between lusting after Sasuke and harboring dark desires for Naruto; _now_ she'd be determined to spite Sakura, unwilling to lose to her on the battleground of love! That white blonde heron would play dirty, oh yes she would, flirting with him outrageously by day, seducing him with her whorish tricks by night. Haruno Sakura didn't put it past the sleazy pig to slip into Uzumaki's bed, awaiting his return home with the lights out.

Oh, that witch! She would pay for daring to interfere with Naruto's honest desire for the smartest, strong-willed, and most notably beautifulest girl in all of Konoha!

In the middle of all this thought, Sakura almost slammed right into Naruto as he turned toward a nearby stand, gesturing casually with a finger. She instantly backpedaled, bowing and apologizing for nearly knocking him over.

When Naruto simply smiled and insisted that she not worry about it, Sakura just about melted right then and there.

"Come on," Naruto said, walking through the noren to his favorite ramen yatai, "dinner's on me."

Holding the curtain high for his companion to enter, Naruto took a quick survey on the available seats. While it wasn't unheard of for the place to be packed to the brim on some nights, Ichiraku Ramen tended to attract the quieter, less economically advantaged types. Today it seemed like business was just shy of dead, with one guy on the far end, minding his own business as he tucked into his bowl of noodles.

Sakura scurried in, hands held tight in front of her, her head down.

Naruto moved forward and took a seat, beckoning Sakura do the same.

The man who tended the shop stepped up to the front, dabbing his brow with a dishcloth. "Oh, hey, Naruto! How's Academy life going for ya? I see you've brought a cute friend with you tonight. What's your name, beautiful?"

The cook leered playfully at Sakura, who looked up bashfully, unsure of what to say.

"Hey, now, Teuchi, give her some space. Your bland swill is already frightening enough people away without you perving all over the customers."

Sakura looked over at Naruto, amazed he was saying such things. What was puzzling was that the blond seemed at ease, completely at home in his seat at the bar, an easy grin plastered on his face.

What was even more puzzling was the man's reaction, laughing outright, slapping his slight gut. "Oh, so fresh tonight! Planning on standing up for yourself to impress a lady, huh?"

"Having the stones to drag her to this hole in the wall was impressive enough, old man," Naruto replied, smirking as he gestured at the stand as a whole with a short sweep of his arm.

"Ahh ha ha! Naruto, you rat chewing, gutter crawling goggle-monkey! I oughta poison your broth tonight!"

Sakura blanched, still at a loss for words, unable to comprehend the strange dynamic that was shared between Naruto and this weird old man.

"Probably would improve the taste, Teuchi," the blond said, chuckling.

The gray-haired man shook his head, the grin plain on his face. "Ahhhhh well. So what'll it be tonight, kiddo?"

"I'll take the usual- maybe a bit more pork, just to be safe."

The cook looked over at Sakura, his perpetually smiling eyes putting her at ease even for all his weirdness. "So what'll you be havin', doll?"

"Um," Sakura mumbled, not sure what to say. She was on a diet, but she didn't want to be rude.

"…Well?" the smiling cook said, not even a hint of impatience in his voice.

"I…I guess I'll have a bowl of miso soup," the rosette replied, shifting in her seat a little.

"Ahhhh," Teuchi said, nodding as if Sakura had said something profound, "Alright then. I'll get right on it."

With that, the man turned, getting to cooking up their orders.

Naruto sighed, a gentle smile lingering on his lips. Sakura blushed, a little surprised by this warm, happy side of Naruto's.

"So what's the deal with you and the old man, Naruto?" Sakura asked.

The blond hummed, watching Teuchi work for a little bit before turning to face his companion, resting his head in his hand. "I'd have to say it's a bit of a friendship."

"Oh?" Sakura blinked, turning to face Naruto completely.

"Yeah. I know from the way we talk to each other, it sounds kinda rough, but it's really just a guy thing."

"Oh…so do you come here often?"

The boy huffed, his smile widening. "Do I? Yeah. It's been a thing for a while."

"How come?" Sakura leaned forward, hands on her knees.

"Just has. This place was always open when I got done with my duties. I couldn't always afford it in the beginning, but the old man cut me some slack. After I started actually getting paid, I was in here just about every night. Kinda slowed down during the time at the Academy, but this place is always here, and rarely ever closed when I find it."

Naruto ran his hand along the polished bar, sighing. After a moment, he looked back to Sakura, the smile never leaving his face. "Lotsa nights spent here, and every one worth it. Every yen worth it, too."

"What's that?" Teuchi called from the back of the small kitchen of the yatai.

"I _said_," Naruto began, raising his voice, putting a purposely obnoxious whine into his voice, "it's a wonder I haven't died from food poisoning yet!"

"Aha!" the cook exclaimed, snatching up two bowls and ladling in their respective contents, and then running them to the front. "Then perhaps you should cut out all those cats you scarf down."

Teuchi slid the bowls in front of the pair, fishing out the utensils and plunking them down next to the dishes.

"If I did that, though, I could never get the taste of your horrible cooking out of my mouth!"

Gasping dramatically, the jovial cook clutched his chest, "But Naruto- I've always used cat in my cooking!"

"I dunno, then- perhaps your skills as a cook were worse than I'd thought!"

Teuchi smired, crossing his arms slowly and posturing. "Something has you coming back, night after night."

Naruto, started to say something, paused, and picked up his otemoto, separating them cleanly and positioning them in his hand. Pulling his bowl closer to him, he pointed at the cook with them, saying "The moment you stop holding down your prices is the moment I'm outta here."

With that, the boy clapped his hands together, with chopsticks in hand, muttered a quick prayer of thanks, and dug in without further ado. Sakura, noting that she wasn't going to get any further talk out of the boy while his mouth was full, turned to her own bowl, picking up her chirirenge spoon and daintily began eating her soup.

Surprise showed on her face after the first mouthful, looking up at the cook, giving her a conspiratorial smile. "Good, ain't it?"

Sakura looked down at her bowl, then at Teuchi, animatedly nodding her head. The man chuckled, his laughter lines creasing easily.

"Passerby seem to think that this is just a place for the hungover and poor when they hear about my kinda prices. I honestly just like cooking for folks and haven't the heart to rip them off over simple noodles in broth."

Sakura blinked, returning to her soup, savoring the positively umami balance between saltiness and the soft richness of the bean.

After a moment or so of silence save for the scraping of cutlery, Sakura sat up, putting down her spoon, sighing contentedly. The cook caught her eye again with a knowing leer. Nodding at Naruto, who had just picked up his bowl and drained it, another seeming to have materialize while Sakura was preoccupied. Without a pause, the blond pulled the new bowl closer to him quickly plucking up a sizeable piece of pork, and began to eat it. All the girl next to him could do was stare.

Teeth. So many teeth.

Was it even possible?!

They look all the same.

They're all weird

Oh God how many does he have in that mouth?!

Was he a mutant? A monster experiment?! A demon?!

AAAAAA-

Naruto continued to eat, uncaring of the drama quietly unfolding near him, preferring to focus on the enjoyment of his ramen bowl.

Teuchi, chuckling softly, leaned over the counter, a glint in his eye as he cupped his mouth, loudly whispering "You think that's crazy? You should see the guy's tongue. I bet you could-"

The boy genin dipped his fingertips into the broth of the bowl and quickly flicked them at the grey haired man, spattering him with the soup.

"Aah!" the cook yelled, melodramatically flinching away, "Don't use my soup like that! All that battery acid will go to waste!"

Naruto chuckled himself, flicking his wet fingers at the laughing man before digging in with gusto, quickly digging into the bowl as the cook put on a bit of a display for the rest of the meal, brandishing ladles and shouting with mock outrage, Sakura helpless to do more than smile at the odd spectacle.

Once finished, the blond fished through his wallet, which was stuffed with more bank notes than his teammate had ever seen in her life, slapping it down on the counter with a wide grin, giving his farewell after another more couple minutes of salty repartee, leading Sakura out by the hand.

They walked a ways, the sun beginning to droop down to the horizon, engaging in mild small talk, just generally living in the moment, content to meander. Then Naruto stopped, pulling the fun to a halt with a meaningful glance at his companion.

"Sakura…I need to talk to you about something."

The girl blushed, her heart climbing into her throat.

"Wh- what do you want, Naruto?"

"You…that is, I…Sakura…"

She felt her stomach fill with butterflies, unable to speak, her breath feeling far away from her.

Naruto sighed, putting his hands on his teammate's shoulders. "You need to stop."

With that, Sakura's heart nearly burst


	9. Chapter 8

Naruto stared intently into Sakura's eyes, firm and serious, all semblance of his previous mirth stripped away in an instance.

"Naruto…why?" Sakura nearly choked, feeling tears and dread bubbling to the surface.

The boy sighed, taking his hands off of her, turning half away. "I have a feeling that…your head's not where it's supposed to be…"

Naruto glanced back at Sakura, a placid expression on his face. He turned away from his companion, pacing, before turning back, slowly returning to his position, hands on his hips. All the girl could do was watch and listen, holding her hands over her vulnerable-feeling heart.

"Why, Sakura, did you join the Academy?" Naruto tilted back his head, seeming to peer down at her somewhat.

Shaking, she stood there, eking out meaningless gasps and pieces of words.

"Likely friends, yeah? Joined up because some of the girls were doing it? Later on got sucked into pursuing some guy or another, something along those lines?"

Sakura hung her head low, blurry wetness barely hanging on to her eyes. Her shoulders quaked, and she clawed at the fabric of her dress, close to breaking.

"I'll make this clear, Sakura- you can't keep on like that. We may be just doing little exercises and training, probably some cute D-ranked jobs- but we won't last once we get to the real ninja work, if we keep on with our mindsets from the Academy."

Naruto sighed again, turning away from his increasingly distressed teammate. "I've been assigned to a team before, you've probably heard. I saw something I didn't like, but was too wrapped up in my own world to worry about anybody but myself in that situation."

The boy swallowed, shaking a little himself, now. "I ended up with two badly injured, likely permanently damaged comrades as a result. I lost my team - and my opportunities as a ninja - in a matter of hours."

Naruto gritted his teeth, letting out a low breath as he turned to face Sakura again. Seeing her in evident distress, he decided to change tack, walking closer to the girl.

"Sakura…I don't need you to change as a person. I don't want you to turn into something you're not - something fake or fragile. What I want – what the team _needs_ – is a shift in your priorities. That's it."

The boy stepped closer, putting his hands on Sakura's shoulders again, squeezing them gently. Dropping her hands to her sides, the girl sniffed.

"That's it, huh?" she said, a slight warble in her voice.

"Yeah..."

"Naruto," Sakura began, raising her head slightly to look at the blond, showing her reddened green eyes.

"Yes, Sakura?"

Gritting her teeth, Naruto's female teammate reached up and slapped him- hard "You idiot!"

With that, the young kunoichi-in-training broke away, running off toward home, leaving her supposed date stranded on the border of his neighborhood.

Naruto, sighed, touching the mildly burning part of his face, turning toward his own home, walking back slowly as a small rainstorm broke out, soaking the boy within minutes.

Although his place was only a short ways a way, it was a long walk home.

When Sakura got home, she was immediately questioned on where she had been. She mumbled that it was a long day and that she had to go lie down.

With that, she quietly entered her room, shut the door gently, and flopped onto her bed, grabbing the biggest pillow she could find and hugging it tight.

She wanted to cry – badly. Just to take the ache away a little.

It's not like he was trying to be mean or unkind but…

Ugh.

Sakura turned over to stare at the ceiling, letting her gaze wander over its comfortingly simple expanse. Stupid Naruto.

She had thought she'd known what he was on about, she'd thought he was very interested in her – even though, well, her obvious flaws. He barely seemed to remark on her forehead, her figure, her style… He just seemed interested in her…

Over the course of the date, she'd fought the terrible temptation to jump on him and kiss those smiling lips of his, as he laughed and joked and talked. He had shown her a simple, nice time, never leaving her with a dull moment.

And then he just ruined it for her by saying it was all just business. After all that. Stupid Naruto.

Stupid stupid Naruto.

Big fat idiot Naruto, with those stupid goggles.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupi-

Naruto came home to a fairly silent apartment, save for the pitter patter of raindrops on the building. Letting the Weasel out to let it enjoy being free to move about, Naruto walked over to the couch he'd managed to buy with most of his remaining job pay and just fell onto it with a plop. He kicked off his sandals and rolled himself bodily into it to get comfy – and so far it was pretty comfy.

This team thing was looking to be a bit of trouble…

He was plenty willing to make concessions, participate is whatever tasks suited his instructor's whimsy, even socialize with these simplistic…children…

But just from how things were seeming, he'd actually done the reverse of helping the team situation and made things worse, somehow. He had some idea why Sakura had reacted the way she did, but ultimately it was her own fault for reinforcing her bad habits of prioritizing, and what he'd just addressed her on was likely the source of most – if not all – of her outrage.

Still…it would probably come down to Sakura randomly deciding to change her mind before any resolution could take place. Trying to advise or communicate with the girl would just exacerbate the situation right now…

At this point all Naruto could do was ignore the problem and hope it would go away while he tended to the practical parts of his role.

Would that he could do something about the issue, but until an opportunity to somehow annul his guilt in his teammate's eyes, he couldn't do anything.

Would that that evening had never happened.

Women were such a bother…

Okay, yeah, we have a quick resolution posted at a time earlier than the crack of doom.

Hip hip hoo rah

Apologies for the brevity again, but I'm saving up my creative juices for the small doozy I'll be undertaking with GREAT PROMPTNESS as soon as I finish here

As a general side note, I'm sending out an advance stfu to all the Sakura-bashers out there: You people are unbelievable. The stories I've read, the scenes that I've read, the sheer _brutality_ that I've witnessed dumped on the keyboard toward one single fucking character…

To put it in perspective, there was one fic- NaruHina, mind you- where Naruto successfully brings back Sasuke from the Valley of the End fight. In it, he gets to the gates, everybody's happy, and Sakura decides to take him aside- the woods somewhere, I think- and has sex with him. Very quickly turns out the following scenes or so that Sakura's trying to pin rape charges on him, leading to a whole mess with the council or whatever. When Tsunade stomps that down, Sakura is immediately incarcerated for some reason, and it's explained that she_ would have been_ executed, but apparently she's pregnant with Naruto's child - after, like, a day – and thus must be kept alive. But it doesn't end there folks- oh no, it doesn't. Next comes a long scene or two where the interrogation/torture division has their fun, one guy stripping Sakura of her skin and pouring acid on her exposed flesh, having a medic nin on standby to patch her up _so the same thing can be done to her again_. All done to the tune of some particularly nasty-sounding metal song, copypasted into the fic. And everybody else is so righteously smug about this so morally upright comeuppance, living their lives out with remorseless joy.

It's shit like that makes me strive to break the mold and actually write an honest-to-God _anti-fanon_ fanfic. I want no part of the sorts of monstrous, evil sort of mob mentality that goes on in this fanbase. Sasuke's not an emofag, Sakura nor Ino are shrill, stupid banshees, Kakashi's not a bigoted bastard, the village isn't run by civvies, and the nine tailed fox will not occasionally double as a father figure/lover for Naruto. I refuse to indulge this fanbase masturbation. Come for my work as it is, not in expectation of more of the same; there are hundreds of thousands of fics like that to choose from here, I have no inclination whatsoever to add to that, as I have previously explained.

**Readers, please keep reading**. People who're watching this, favoriting this- **review already**. If one reader can **review** most of my chapters in one readthrough, I'm sure the rest of you can at least do **one or two** in passing. Seriously, I _still_ have **more followers for this story than reviews**, let alone **reviewers**. The excuses to not leave some sort of comment are dwindling, `cause I'm regularly updating, every day, well ahead of schedule now, and throwing as many curveballs and plot twists as I can hope to come up with.

So enough with the silence, people. Stand up and let your voices be heard. **Your commentary and support will fuel my updates**, perhaps even so far as to **influence the plot of the story** in chapters to come


	10. Chapter 9

The next morning came too soon for all of Team 7, each for different reasons, but sharing the same general sense of anxiousness…

~xxx

Naruto awoke earliest of all, as was his habit, and went about his usual routine with acute unease. He showed nothing externally, or so he thought.

He was alone as he ran, but for the first time ever, he was conscious of it. He felt as if his feet were lead, and the air in front of him seemed to push back against him. The whole run through Konoha seemed to drag, no matter hard he went, how fast he tried to go. The strange melancholy oppressed him with unnerving consistency, taking his focus away from more relevant things, dragging his mind to remember past alienations, desertions, betrayals…

The boy cooked breakfast, and then threw breakfast away, only then recalling the specific order his sensei had given the team as the first bite was in his mouth. Naruto didn't want to admit it to himself, but he was distracted today.

He then stretched, exercised vigorously, and then showered just as vigorously, urgently concentrating on his task as though he could scrub away this unsettling emotional state with the sweat and the dirt. To no avail, but he at least felt better about having tried.

He stretched again, making sure to make the ordeal an extended holistic experience, unknotting all the tension built up within him, body and mind. It worked remarkably well for his sinewy person, and somewhat for his cerebral person.

As an additional measure of labor in metaphor and procedural wellbeing, the blond scrubbed his home from top to bottom, going so far as to scrub the molding around the ceiling until it positively sparkled. Wiping his brow, he stretched again to kill any tension he built up during the cleaning. He immediately followed up with another shower to get the stink of cleaning products off of him, only being satisfied once all he could smell of himself was hot water and clean sweat.

For simple emotional gratification, Naruto decided to track down the Weasel, which was splayed under the couch ( it had taken refuge early on from what was an erroneous tool of destruction and torture in its odd critter mind – but was, in fact, just Naruto's mop). Plucking the little handful up with casual disregard for its spiny legs, the boy sat down, laying the creature in his lap, proceeding to pet it. This was a new experience for the both of them, but was an oddly sensate, fulfilling ritual. Perhaps Naruto could do this more often?

After that, the Weasel slipped into Naruto's arm, leaving the boy to tend to the rest of his preparations in quiet solitude. He threw together an outfit from his slightly expanded wardrobe- this consisted of a grey tank top, a darker wind jacket, simple black junker's trousers, reinforced tabi-boots, and a number of thighstrap belts. The thighstraps came with easy-retrieval pockets for shuriken, caltrops, and a number of simple knives, perfect for most situations, likely to prove invaluable during this survival test Hatake-sensei had planned for the team.

Completely disregarding the slip of paper that the Jōnin had seen fit to hand out, detailing what equipment to bring and other, simply mindless suggestions, the blond saw fit to stock his bulk equipment back with some extra shurikens and kunai, skipping things like wire and minor explosive materials in favor of more exotic devices like throwing saps and rope darts. After quick consideration of the heavier tools in his small arsenal, Naruto tucked a shinobi billhook into his jacket, in case he needed to clear foliage or disarm a trap or two. Considering it was "survival training", after all, it suited to be prepared for feasible wilderness operation contingencies.

Naruto checked himself over one more time, adjusting his goggles over his "eyes" and his hitai-ate around his bicep. Satisfied after his extensive preparations, the boy set out for the designated training grounds, at peace with his situation, armed with steel in his soul and a song in his heart.

~xxx

Kakashi was next to arise, despite having trouble sleeping once again last night. The thought of going through this tooth-pullingly excruciating process yet again had lost the shock value and daunting air after the nth attempt ages ago, now replaced by a dull, aching apprehension.

Maybe it was just the times, the man thought, blearily stumbling over dead soldiers strewn across the room, some dumping the dregs of their leftover spirit from their mouths*. Maybe…

Maybe it was him, though. There were a few others who'd been through about as much as he had who dealt with the burdensome memories just fine. Then again…perhaps they just had their more wholesome coping mechanisms. Whatever works for them...

Kakashi preferred solitude and alcohol, though. Escapism, too, when he could afford to flip through his careworn romance novels. Of course, he'd be kidding himself if he thought that he was making himself any more functional by dealing with his skeletons like this.

Whatever. A long, hot soak and the usual walk to the cenotaph would clear his head. If not that, perhaps toying with this latest batch of flunkies could get his mind off the inevitable return to pain.

Ready and willing to just drown himself, the Jōnin lurched into the shower and fumbled to turn on just the hot tap. The water came out blisteringly hot, scalding his sleep-sensitized skin within an inch of its life, shocking him into full alertness in near an instant. Yelling in pseudomasochistic agony, Kakashi stayed in the shower as long as he could take. After a while he felt like his flesh was just ready to burst apart, succumbing to weakness and quickly falling to the floor in a pathetic heap.

Groaning, he groped for the tap clumsily, turning it all the way off after a couple of tries.

Kakashi climbed to his feet in spite of how he was tempted to act: just lying on the floor, like he did on countless nights, sobbing like a tender little bitch. Seemed fitting, considering what he had done on equally countless missions, taking out his rage and pain on enemies and not-quite-enemies. Even some foolish young graduates had gotten a taste of some of his bile, that darkness.

The bunch this time was lucky, especially whilst being so soft. Years ago, when times hadn't been so lax, when Kakashi was more raw, less dulled by time and distance from his memories, some kids had really suffered.

The impossible ringer he'd put them through, the unsympathetic invective that he'd let spill from his lips, and the _things_ he'd had some do…yes, these "potential" genin were very lucky to have missed him at his worst.

Shakily making his way around his apartment, careful not to step and slip on any of the rolling bottles or puddles of wasted booze, the mercurial man plucked up his various bits of clothing, slipping them all on in a confused order, only really caring about covering up his scars as thoroughly as possible. As if that would do anything, a small part of him remarked.

But Kakashi didn't care. The largest part of himself wanted to escape from all that pain, to censor the evidence of those accursed unforgettable days, however he could.

Unfortunately, he couldn't believe the lies even he told- and the man only really ever trusted himself, of anyone he knew or didn't know. In short, his life was a viciously cyclical example of an exercise in futility.

He couldn't fight it, so what good were his skills as a killer? He couldn't reason it away, so what good was his wit, his supposedly genius intellect? He couldn't escape from it, so what good were his body and mind, which he had trained so rigorously? He couldn't even ignore it, so what did that make him? He couldn't even be a proper coward. Kakashi's life seemed to be a succession of failures, one after the other, continuing on and on until he eventually died alone, unwanted and unloved.

Almost done, Kakashi walked over to pluck up his pack, filled with various implements that would come in handy today, and his hitai-ate, essential to his functioning in public. It was essential to his functioning in general, come to think of it. Either way, the man slipped the headband over his cursed eye, sighing with relief as the world slowed down enough to make sense.

Finally covered up completely, the depressive Jōnin made his way to the door without too much trouble, punting bottles of various kinds this way and that, long since giving up wincing even in his extremely hungover state. The mercilessly bright sun, though, stabbed Kakashi right in the eye just as soon as he opened the door. Cursing darkly, the man managed to lock the door, in spite of his half-blind state.

It was an arduous, blackly comical journey to street level, down all those stairs and random, useless stretches of corridor, accompanied by much tripping, stumbling, and outright tumbling downward. Nothing short of a miracle kept Kakashi from being seen like this, try as he wouldn't to keep face in public today.

Once with his feet firmly planted on pavement, the Jōnin ambled his way over to the market, formulating some sort of plan as he went.

He stopped by a droll little family run food store, picking up two bentos and otemoto, tucking them under his arm. Having not much to do for awhile, seeing as it was still so early before the "training", Kakashi didn't rush getting to his destination- the Leaf Memorial.

Why he kept choosing the training ground nearest this place, he had some idea. And that idea…wasn't important.

The Jōnin reached into one of the pockets of his vest, producing two little bells on string. They were old, but looked so new…so untainted…guarded so…well…

He clenched his hand over them, tears welling up with the memories. So innocent, those days. So young. So promising. Would that he could take part in them again…

Kakashi had an idea about what he was going to do today.

Sasuke awoke in a cold sweat, grimacing.

No time to think, time to move.

He threw together his tools, everything second nature to him.

The boy set out at a firm march, steel in his eye.

One step more toward his goal.

He would be an avenger. He would do it- one step at a time.

Sakura had spent most of the night crying, but she wasn't going to let idiocy be an excuse for being late.

Throwing her alarm clock across the room, she got up and got herself together, ready to put her game face on. No stupid Naruto was gonna get the better of her today.

First things first- a nice, long bath.

She enjoyed taking her time with the whole thing, relishing the scent of the bath oils and the warmth of the water. How relaxing~

As a Haruno, she was no slouch with her appearance, cleaning her hair thoroughly, setting it up to condition, tending to her complexion with a scrub, then a mask, shaving her legs, tweezing her eyebrows, rinsing her hair, moisturizing her skin, blowdrying her hair, and then getting to the choosy stuff.

The same dress she'd gotten for graduation would suit, seeing as it didn't restrain much, with simple black biker shorts added in for decency at any angle. Although she was tempted to break out something cuter, she couldn't contest the comfort or reliability of the chunky blue sandals she'd gotten from the official nin supplies warehouse with anything else in her wardrobe. With the added feature of her headband tying back her hair, showing her to be a real kunoichi, she was ready for anything.

Oh, and her bag! Can't forget all that!

Sakura bustled to throw all her weapons in her tote bag, followed by a couple scrolls and guidebooks, just to be safe.

After a short moment admiring herself in the mirror, she set of for _war_!

~xxx

Wiping his face clean of any sign of emotion, Kakashi turned away from the heroes' cenotaph, casually strolling into the main clearing, where the genin were waiting impatiently.

"Hey guys, good morning!"

Automatically he got a chorus of one from the girl of the team.

"You're late!" she yelled, pointing her finger. This one was already showing herself to be a real performer…Kakashi wondered if this plan of his was the right one for these…kids…

But no matter. Everybody started out with rough edges.

The Jōnin simply whipped out the clock in his pack, wound the thing meticulously, and set it, placing it on the stump he stood by and giving the hammer a pat to start it up.

"Okay, it's set for noon," Kakashi announced, fishing out the bells from his from the worn pocket on his vest.

He dangled them by their strings, saying "Here are two bells. Your task is to take these from me before noon. Those who cannot get a bell by noon…get no lunch; I'll not only tie you to one of those stumps, but I'll eat right in front of you."

"You only need to get one bell," the Jōnin said, the bells chiming softly as he jostled them, "There are only two, so one of you will definitely get tied to a stump.

"And…the person who doesn't take a bell fails. So, at least one of you will be sent back to the Academy."

Kakashi flipped the bells into his palm, concealing them in his fist, adding "You can even use your shurikens. You won't succeed unless you come at me intending to kill."

"But-" the girl began, worry written on her face, "-you'll be in danger!"

The man of the group sighed, shaking his head. "As glad as I am that you're worried for your sensei, I doubt any one of you will do much damage to me."

"I think we'd do enough…" the specs of the team said, a small, cocky grin appearing on his face.

The Jōnin sighed, obviously nonplussed by the boy's statement. "Yeah yeah…Ignore Mister Dead Last and start when I say-"

Predictably, Specs reacted, but in a more subtle fashion than Kakashi had yet given him credit for- nearly getting nailed between the eyes with a rather nasty looking thumb-dart. Kakashi quickly maneuvered behind the boy, putting him in an armlock with clean, laidback efficiency.

The Jōnin was definitely impressed- if not for the genin's amateurish throwing style, he'd probably have been blinded for several minutes. But no matter- the intent was all that was necessary.

"Slow down," Kakashi said, startling the other two genin, although the one he had a hold on seemed pretty calm, which was creepy.

"I haven't said 'start' yet," he added, sending a glance either way to the students.

"Seems like you're prepared to come at me with the intent to kill. So you've finally acknowledged me."

Kakashi's expression softened, he himself chuckling a bit, "Seems like I'm beginning to really like you guys."

The three genin under Kakashi's auspices smiled, the blond shifting a little in his grip.

"Okay," Kakashi said, readying himself for the main event, "let's get going. Ready…"

Together the team tensed, ready to act.

"Start!"

And then it was on.

"The basics of being a ninja start with to hiding yourself well," Kakashi said aloud, walking slowly about the rather large clearing of the training area. The place offered a very spacious view of its surroundings, being bordered by a river on one side and sparsely vegetated foothills parallel to it- so, in short, it was a fairly defensible spot, if not a particular vantage point for either side.

Kakashi looked either way into the forests, giving the foliage a quick swipe with an appraising eye. He scratched the back of his neck, as if considering possible plans of action.

Naruto strolled out of the bushes well away from the Jōnin, casually striding into the open, watching his sensei with a guarded aloofness.

"Morning~ sensei~," he drawled, smiling in as innocuous way as he seemed able to manage, "Mind if I fight you?"

The man opposing him sighed, his shoulders sinking a little in comic exasperation. "Um…You're a little bit off…"

Shrugging, the boy shrugged in a noncommittal way, changing course toward Kakashi, a slight bounce in his step. "Hm~ or maybe I've my own interests at play here."

Naruto broke into a small run, leaning forward a little with arms posed in a rendition of simple Academy martial forms. The man blinked, obviously surprised anybody would think to actually use any of that kiddy stuff.

Kakashi dug into his belt-pouch, but whether it was a weapon or a tool or some kind of humiliating prop was unable to be determined, as the boy charging him put on the gas in a murderous sprint. It was a second, maybe two, before Naruto was upon him, sending a punch with the momentum of his whole body behind it.

As intimidating as this was, the target was still a jōnin- and an eminently experienced one, at that; he grappled his attacker with speed more than comparable to the boy's, sending Naruto harmlessly past him by a grab of his fist and a push of his shoulder. The harmlessness came into serious question when the boy planted his foot at the tail end of the throw, using his diffusing momentum to power a definitely not Academy-regulated move- a spinning pseudo-axekick aimed at Kakashi's face.

The man ducked in time, lest his nose get kicked in. Although he was in not a large amount of danger, the commitment and intent of the boy were enough to put any thought of playing with this genin out of his mind. Coupled with that speed and the adaptability of his fighting form…the kid would easily put the hurt on the average chunin if it came down to taijutsu.

Naruto did not let up, following through with a tight jab sent from the waist to force Kakashi to move, keeping a solid bead on the man as he, too, moved, strafing briskly to keep apace with the seasoned veteran.

"You know," Kakashi began, "If you don't get a bell by noon, no lunch."

The blond chuckled, the smile never leaving his face. "I'm watching my figure, anyways."

Forming the hand seals to summon his Bunshins- Hitsuji, Mi, Tora- Naruto called out "Here I come, sensei~!"

All around the Jōnin appeared a plethora of Narutos, all with the same grin on their faces, circling him, calling out various playful threats and challenges. Doing a quick head count, the man came up with nearly 20 Bunshin- and all created with little smoke or sound. This kid was seeming to be more and more of a threat as this fight went on…

"Sensei~"

"Hey sensei~"

"What's up, sensei?"

"Come on and fight, sensei~"

"I'm gonna get you, sensei~"

"Gonna go for your eye, sensei~"

Kakashi sighed with real exasperation this time, eying the laughing gang of dark-clothed genin. "Kid's got a bit of a twisted sense of humor…"

One Naruto came running at him aiming a wild kick to his chin. Kakashi immediately jumped back, just in time for another clone to come in from his blind spot to punch at his face. The Jōnin moved to dodge it, but as he tried to throw this Naruto, his hands just phased through.

"Bunshin!" he gasped, immediately punctuated with a rough kick to the back of his supporting leg, forcing him into an improvised crouch as the real genin disappeared into the intangible fray, laughing puckishly.

"Very good, sensei!"

"Would you like a reward, sensei?"

"Sensei, why are you taking so long to find me?"

"Do I have to come find you, sensei?"

"Sensei~~" the Narutos chimed together, speeding up their dizzying dance around the man.

Kakashi sighed. "What a bothersome nin you are, Specs."

"It's Naruto!"

"Believe it!"

"And don't you forget it-"

"Sen~sei~"

As a Naruto leapt at him from behind to deliver a kick, Kakashi spun, grappling Naruto again and sending him flying overhead, nearer to the edge of the forest.

"Very good~ sensei~," Naruto said, dispelling clones with a simple cancellation seal, "How'd you figure me out from the rest?"

"Sound," Kakashi said, "Your clones had no audible footsteps. Clever using their illusory voices to try and cover that up, though. You're still just a genin, though; you won't trick me good for a long while to come."

"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei," the real Naruto said, grinning wide and bashfully putting his hands behind his back, looking down at his feet as he traced the ground a little with his foot.

The boy looked up after a small pause, looking up with a different look on his face, the sunlight hitting his lenses just right so it seemed like they had a maniacal glint in them. "But I think I can trick you pretty good."

Kakashi readied himself for whatever his strange charge was going to spring next when a powerful force slammed into the back of his head, putting the Jōnin on his knees for a split second. Looking up, he saw a copy of his genin land, joining the other one to grin at him, watching the man as he got back to his feet, ears ringing a little.

"Shadow Clones?!" Kakashi said, shaking his head as it threatened to explode.

The twin blonds laughed in unison briefly, before falling into silence. One opened his mouth, saying "Oh? What's that?"

"You mean you don't know, even after you pulled it off?"

One of the pair stepped forward, seemingly the real one, chuckling some more. "No, no, no…just simple, silly old Kawarimi no Jutsu"

Kakashi's eye widened as he realized how Naruto had managed- "When you put your hands behind your back!"

The Narutos nodded, chuckling in unnerving unison. Both turned and lept over the brush, heading into the forest, laughing as they went. Kakashi thought to follow Naruto, but thought better of it when the laughter abruptly stopped, a dead silence setting in across the clearing.

"Naruto…what a scary kid…"

~xxx

Sasuke let out a breath he dimly realized he'd been holding. Naruto had seemed to be pushing Sensei toward him, intentionally or not, and then changed tactics, running into his side of the grounds. Weird kid, but…

Using simple Academy techniques and his own strength, that dead last had landed a solid hit on a Jōnin, somebody who had a good two ranks on the rest of the team. A completely lazy, neutral student like that…

…turned into this. For a genin, his teammate seemed to be a little bit of a monster.

Perhaps he'd be some use in the fights to come…

~xxx

"N-Naruto?!"

From what she knew of the Academy jutsu and techniques, Naruto had pulled off something unheard of for a genin- smokeless jutsus. Granted, they were really simple techniques using small amounts of energy - that is, chakra – but the amount of control one had to have over one's own energy, right out of the gate and able to trick a field-tested expert on chakra usage…crazy, just completely insane.

Even more important, he was totally messing up her plans. How was she ever going to get noticed by Sasuke if there was some silly boy rivalry between the two. _She_ was supposed to rise to his level. _She_ was supposed to be his equal, in war and love! A strong, proud warrior ninja and his sensuous kunoichi partner!

…messed up so now that fantasy seemed to feature a fricking wingless tengu wearing goggles instead of a sexy kunoichi. This would not stand!

…then again, there was always the change of a three-way- No. NO! Never~~~!

And yet the images were already in Sakura's head, her active imagination hard at work making her forget what kind of position she was in.

Fortunately, to some extent, Sakura was snapped out of it when Kakashi-sensei turned just enough away from the other side of the clearing for a flurry of shuriken to erupt from there, hitting him dead on- or so it seemed until in a puff of smoke it turned out that a log was hit in his stead, and that the Jōnin was well on his way to seeking out what would likely turn out to be Sasuke.

At least, this is what Sakura feared, spurring her to take to the trees, rushing to aid Sasuke in his time of need.

~xxx

It wasn't long before he heard a girlish wail not too far away, and he knew what was up.

"That scream…Sakura…"

"Shinobi Fighting, lesson number two-" came Kakashi-sensei's voice, "Gen-Jutsu; Sakura was easily tricked by it."

Gen-Jutsu…a form of hallucinatory hypnotism…She'd fall for that, but…

"I'm not the same as them," Sasuke replied, sensing that the Jōnin was behind him.

"Say that _after_ you get the bell…Sasuke-kun."

Kakashi stood away from the tree had been leaning on as the boy turned to face him, grimly stern in the face of his better.

"The strength of the village's number one, the Uchiha Clan…" the man trailed off, one hand firmly at his side, the other propping up some book or another as he read. "This should be interesting…"

They shared a look before Sasuke dropped low, pulling a handful of shuriken and throwing them with unerring efficiency at his opponent.

Kakashi dodged easily, jumping to the side.

"Such obvious attacks are pointless!" he called, leaping back again.

The sound of rope cutting and Sasuke's sudden smile were the only warning before a flurry of knives came flying out of the brush, a hidden trap Kakashi managed to barely avoid.

Sasuke quickly closed the gap, coming from behind to attack the man, but Kakashi was already alert, and spun to block

He caught Sasuke's leg, who then aimed a punch. He caught that, too, before Sasuke aimed another kick, forcing Kakashi to release his caught leg in favor of snaring the dangerous one.

Now in such a position, Sasuke shared a defiant look with his teacher, reaching for the bells hung at Kakashi's waist. Noticing this in the nick of time, Kakashi released the boy, quickly jumping away.

The both stood, panting for a moment, as they considered their next moves and those of their opponent.

~xxx

Sakura, holding her head stumbled over to the stumps, fresh from some horrorish illusion. If not for the thought of Naruto coming upon her and...doing…she'd be down for the count. Poor Sasuke-kun…even if he was only like that in that nightmare…

She looked to the odd stone just beyond the stumps, espying two bentos on it.

"Strange…I guess Kakashi had meant these for those that got the bells."

A series of thoughts ran through her head as she approached the stone, noting that it had a series of names engraved upon it. Most were meaningless, but some had members of Sasuke's family on it. Obviously it was a monument to greatness…wasn't that what this lone monument was for- a symbol of the singular elites in the village of the leaf? Why was it here and not where more people could see it, though? Strange…

As for the bentos…it was already obvious who'd be getting them. Naruto had already fled, defeating himself by blowing his one chance to get a bell or two for himself in favor of running of for some theatrical stunt. Might as well take them now before Kakashi did something sneaky with them.

A pause. Sakura peeked in both of the boxes, giving them both a long stare and a sniff. They seemed to not be poisoned or engorged with explosives. Maybe this sensei wasn't as dodgy as he'd first seemed.

Content with her plan and her examination, Sakura trotted off to find Sasuke and get the bells with him. The girl smiled, things making sense since this crazy exercise started.

~xxx

"Well," Kakashi began, standing a little away from his opponent, not even out of breath, "I'll acknowledge that you are different from most genin I've met."

"Bah." was all Sasuke said in return, flying through a complex series of hand seals- Uma, Tora, Hitsuji, Saru, I, Uma, Tora- holding Tiger as he inhaled deeply, his cheeks puffing.

"What?!" the Jōnin exclaimed, surprise clear on his face. This was going to complicate things.

In the next instance, a giant, raging fireball filled the clearing, roasting everything caught in its wake. The supranatural blaze continued for a few moments before shrinking.

As the stream of fire petered out from his breath, Sasuke eyed the spot where Kakashi had stood. What was there when the smoke cleared took a moment to process.

Nothing.

Surprised, Sasuke looked around, beginning to panic.

"Below you" came Kakashi's voice, before a powerful shove from behind sent him skipping forward a few steps. The sound of something like crumbling dirt issued behind him.

"Augh! Dammit!"

Sasuke spun, turning to find nothing but a lone pebble out of place.

It wasn't long before Sasuke eyed the ground around him, nervous. He'd better get to-

A hand grabbed his ankle, followed by the declaration "Doton: Inner Decapitation Technique!"

With a cry, Sasuke was pulled under the earth- well, save for his head.

Before long, he heard footsteps near him, turning out to be Kakashi, as expected, squatting to look at him.

"Ninja Fighting lesson number three: Nin-Jutsu

"Well, you're in the lead in this area, although certainly not by virtue of application."

Kakashi walked over to the spot a little away from Sasuke, where the genin had originally been. "Hadn't expected to net somebody else right then- he outweighed you, by the way, which is why instead of a proper phony decapitation-" Kakashi made a few simple signs, too fast for Sasuke to follow.

The man then reached down, the soil giving before his fingers, reaching in and grabbing a fistful of something and pulling it up. As the whatsit surfaced, Sasuke was at a loss. "-I completely buried him."

Naruto shook his head, managing a cough. His goggles were a little askew, but, rather than seem ashamed, he looked annoyed. "Well, that didn't turn out like planned."

"While I'm a little underwhelmed by how I got you, you put up a fair enough fight."

Kakashi sighed, dusting off his pants. "Okay, well you boys stay put as I go find the absentee…"

With that, the man made a hand seal and disappeared in an instant, a strange wind sweeping through the area.

"…our sensei's an asshole, isn't he?"

Sasuke grunted as a reply, the feeling mutual.

Just then, the missing teammate came crashing through the foliage, only to spot Sasuke's head.

"Auuugh," Sakura screamed, "His severed head!"

And, with that, she swooned, fainting dead away.

It was Sasuke's turn to comment, sufficing with "Wh-…what?"

~xxx

After a brief struggle, and some help from Naruto, which he accepted with some chagrin, Sasuke was able to free himself. Thus enabled, they waited for Sakura to come to.

"I think," Naruto began, crossing his arms, "we need to work more as a team here, less like we're alone in this fight."

Sasuke grunted, shaking his head. "I don't suppose we're including Sakura in this, are we?"

The blond shook his head, chuckling, "Sasuke, I know she acts stupid around you, but she's still a pretty useful girl, even if it's just book-smarts right now."

"No," Sasuke shook his head, "That wouldn't make sense."

"Look, Uchiha…" Naruto began, tapping his foot, "I dunno exactly what's going on here, but it would be better for all of us if we pull together. I'm not special flower, but the climb back up to this point made me much stronger than I was before."

Sasuke looked at Naruto, surprise very evident in his eyes. "So you did become a genin back then!"

"What, you think this is my lying face, Sasuke?" Naruto said, grinning toothily, "I've done a whole lot more than most people have given me credit, I'll tell you right now."

A moment passed, both silent as they eyed each other.

"Naruto…" Sasuke said, breaking the silence, "I may need you, whether we win or lose here."

"Really?" the blond asked, eyebrows visibly creasing his forehead, "I honestly didn't think of you in that way…"

Sasuke, caught offguard, bit his cheek, snorting. "No, nothing like that…"

Quickly regaining his composure, Sasuke looked away from Naruto. "There's a man that only I can kill.

"That time…crying..."

His teammate remained silent, having a feeling where this was headed and respectful of Sasuke's obviously heartfelt confession. After another pause, Sasuke huffed, resuming his monologue.

"I am an avenger.

"I have to become stronger than _that man_- so I can't just linger here…"

Not too far away, a bell went off, Sasuke cursing. "Damn! I wasted too much time."

Chuckling, Naruto walked toward the prone form of his other teammate. "It's only wasted time if you learn nothing from it…Would you help me carry our little sleeping blossom?"

Making a rude noise, Sasuke didn't seem to like the idea, but he helped all the same, carrying Sakura over to the clearing, where the stumps were.

"Oh look!- bentos."

Sasuke paused as Naruto picked the two boxes up, smacking his lips as he picked up his share of Sakura, and they continued on, the Uchiha's stomach growling wretchedly at the promise of food.

~xxx

Nobody was surprised that somebody ended up tied to a stump, save Sakura, who woke up tied to one.

Kakashi stood before the three, watching them for a moment.

"Oh…You guys look really hungry," he said, ending the torturous wait, "By the way- something about the training…"

The Jōnin stuffed his hands in his pockets, sighing before saying "Well, there's no need for you guys to go back to the Academy."

"Then- then all three of us…" Sakura began, confused.

"Yup, all three of you…should quit as Ninjas!"

That's where silence set in, heavy and deep.

"Um…" Sakura began, uncertainty pervading her tone, "We couldn't get the bells, but…but why do we have to quit?"

"Because," Kakashi said, "all of you are just punks who don't deserve to be ninjas."

At that, Sasuke flew to his feet, charging the Jōnin.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura yelled, watching helplessly as the boy of her dreams charged their teacher turned insurmountable enemy.

Naruto had no comment, preferring to just look on as the inevitable happened.

In a blur of body parts, Kakashi had the Rookie of the Year pinned to the ground, sitting on the boy's back with one arm pinned and a foot keeping Sasuke's face just shy of pressed into the dirt.

"No! Don't step on Sasuke-kun!" Sakura cried in outrage, tearing up, unable to do anything but flail her legs.

A grim cast fell over the true shinobi's face, glaring at the two still sitting there "Are you guys underestimating ninjas? Huh?

"Why do you think you were divided into teams and are doing this training?"

Sakura blinked, confused further.

"Huh? What does that mean?" she said, a bead of sweat trickling down her expansive brow.

"Basically…" Kakashi said, "You guys are not understanding the answer to this test."

"An answer, huh?" Naruto half-stated, obviously unsurprised by anything thus far.

"Yes; the answer that helps you pass this test."

"so…" Sakura began, pausing to strain against the ropes, whether it was for comfort or to escape was anyone's guess.

"When are you going to tell us?" she asked, sighing impotently, working up a pretty heavy glow.

A short, pregnant pause set in.

"Geez…" Kakashi said, at a complete loss for any cogent reply, looking away to keep from saying something he shouldn't.

The man looked back at the two genin not under his proverbial or literal boot "It's teamwork."

This came as a surprise to two, the remaining one throwing up his hands as if this was all he was waiting for.

Seemingly indifferent, Kakashi continued on with his explanation. "The three of you working together may have gotten the bells."

"What do you mean by teamwork?" Sakura cried out with righteous indignation, "Even if we work together and get the bells, one of us would still fail.

"What teamwork? That just makes us fight each other."

Kakashi gave the most vocal protester of any of his charges a pointedly apathetic look. "Of course! This test is purposely set up to make you fight amongst yourselves."

"Huh?!"

"The purpose is to see whether you can forget about your own interests and successfully work together under these designed circumstances.

"Yet...you guys…"

Kakashi looked at Sakura, saying "Sakura, instead of Naruto, who was where you could see him, and close enough to assist, you were only thinking about Sasuke, whose whereabouts and situation were unknown to you."

"Naruto!" the Jōnin stared right at the boy, in the specs he kept pushing as Naruto's namesake up until this point. "You were running around by yourself, and when it came time for you to assist a teammate, you rushed head on in, compromising yourself and only prolonging your teammate's optimal success by a handful of seconds."

Kakashi tapped his foot on Sasuke's head, addressing him. "Sasuke! You just assumed the others would get in your way and tried to do everything yourself."

He looked up, speaking plainly. "The duties are done by the team.

"Of course superior individual ability is important to a ninja – but what's even more important is 'teamwork'.

"Individual play that disrupts the team can put your comrades in danger

"And even get you killed. For example…"

Kakashi produced a kunai, holding it to Sasuke's neck threateningly. "Naruto! Kill Sakura- or Sasuke dies!"

"What?!" the girl screamed, flailing in panic.

Naruto spoiled the mood by scratching his nose as if nothing was happening.

Nonetheless, the Jōnin carried on as if everything was going as expected. "You see?

"If a hostage is taken, you will have tough choices and then die. You will be risking your lives in these duties."

With that, Kakashi got off of Sasuke's back, figuratively and literally, and walked toward the cenotaph everybody present but he misunderstood. Sasuke righted himself, quickly joining Naruto in case the man tried anything else funny.

"Look at this," Hatake Kakashi said, placing his hand on it, "The numerous names carved on this stone. These are ninjas who are recognized as heroes of the village."

"Well, cha, it's got a whole lot of Uchihas on there!" Sakura said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Kakashi noticeably winced at that, but continued on, giving the trio a look from the corner of his eye "But…they aren't just normal heroes."

"Really? What kind were they?" Naruto asked, visibly interested.

The Jōnin sighed, all the tiredness from years of living a soldier's life evident in that one breath. "They were all heroes who died while on duty."

A look of sadness fell over the faces of the genin, Sakura's shoulders sagging under the weight of the implications.

"This is a memorial," Kakashi said, "My best friend's name is carved here."

Seeing that the kids were getting it, Kakashi turned back, saying "You guys…

"I'll give you one more chance- but after lunch I'll make it even tougher to get the bells.

"Those who still wish to challenge can eat lunch- but don't give any to Sakura."

"Huh?"

"It's punishment for trying to eat by yourself," Kakashi replied.

"But-!"

"If anyone gives him any food, they will fail immediately.

"I am the rules here," the Jōnin stated dryly, "Got it?"

And with that, he disappeared again, leaving the three alone with each other.

~xxx

The boys sat down beside the stumps, opening up their bentos to avail themselves of some food after all that exertion.

Sakura looks dejected, her stomach growling terribly. Naruto looked over at her, raising his eyebrow.

"Hey, Sasuke…"

"Yeah, Naruto?"

The blond scratched his nose. "Wanna give Sakura some of your food?"

Sasuke sighed, shaking his head. "The idea crossed my mind…why?"

"But…but you guys-"

Naruto raised a finger to Sakura "Shut up.

"Why would sensei read us the riot act on teamwork, then turn around and tell us to neglect our teammate? I mean, _sure_, she did allow bias and her stomach to get in the way of accomplishing anything but-"

"Naruto! Why you-"

The blond stood up, shoving chopsticks with a wad of rice in them in her face, bento in his other hand. "Just eat, you silly."

Blushing, half out of self-consciousness, half out of the feelings not quite killed last evening, Sakura obeyed, daintily nibbling at the food Naruto was so thoughtfully sharing with her.

"Say 'ah', silly."

Sakura blinked, breaking into a short giggle fit.

Then ripped a ridiculously huge explosion centimeters away from the genin, startling all three.

"YOU GENIN!" Kakashi roared, anger clear in his eyes.

This was it. Their doom was sealed.

"Pass~."

The man chuckled, straightening up.

"Pass," Sakura said, Naruto producing his billhook and cutting her free in one go, "But why?" The girl rubbed her wrists, puzzlement as clear on her face as it wasn't on Naruto's.

"You guys are the first – everyone else would just do whatever I told them. They were all just…"

A few, rather vivid images flashed through the man's mind. "…morons."

Kakashi sighed, putting his hands back in his pockets. "A ninja must see underneath the underneath,

"Those that break the rules and codes of the ninja world are called trash…"

The Jōnin looked at each of the three, every one promising as ever he saw in a Leaf genin "But you know what?

Those who don't take care of their comrades…they're lower than trash."

Allowing a moment for all that to sink in, Kakashi gives his genin a thumb's up, saying "That ends the training – all of you pass! Starting tomorrow, Team Seven will begin its duties!"

"Alright~," said Naruto closing up his bento box, turning to Sakura and pushing it on her.

"A symbol of the memories we hope to share," he comically half-whispered.

Sakura responded by punching the blond boy in the arm, taking the box all the same.

"Ouch~," Naruto said, rubbing his arm, "Is this how our relationship will always turn out~?"

The fledgling kunoichi punched him again, this time in the side. "Keep pushing it, Naruto."

"Mmhm~," Naruto said, walking in front of the girl, spinning to face her as he walked in front of her, "Whatever you say, Sa- Ku- Ra- chaaaaaaan."

Blushing hard in little to no time at all, the girl aimed at Naruto's taunting face, but the boy danced out of reach. Huffing with frustration, Sakura turned toward Sasuke, who was walking with them, as was Kakashi.

"Sa-Sasuke-kun…would you like to-"

"I've got my own bento, Sakura," he said, cutting her off, shaking the box as proof.

"But we could still…"

"Sakura, I'm going home. Alone."

"B- bu- but—"

"No."

"Careful, Sasuke," Naruto said, coming a little closer, "If you keep saying no like that, she's gonna stop taking that as an answer~"

Once again, Sakura aimed a swipe at Naruto, who dodged out of reach. She didn't stop there, though, chasing the newly mischievous blond around, roaring even as he laughed.

~xxx

"So Naruto…"

"Yes, Sensei?"

The two were all that were left, the rest having broken off toward their own neighborhoods already.

"I've been wondering..." the man began, scratching his cheek, "how come you seemed to know what was going on the whole time?"

"Oh that…yeah, I had the dubious pleasure of working E Missions for two years…"

"Oh…" Kakashi said, ducking under a low-hanging clothesline. "Yeah, ninja's community service bites pretty hard…"

"Worked with a few chunin out of the loop- one wind affinity support guy by the name of Tenzo, said he'd flunked out of one of your tests before-"

"…Oh."

"Mmhm."

"Yeah…" Kakashi said, kicking a can out of the way, "I remember that pain in the ass."

"How come he failed?"

"Kept blowing up his teammates' hiding places."

"What for? He mistake them for yours?"

"No, he was assigned on a team with his brothers."

"Jeez…"

"So…how come you got saddled with doing E Missions before you graduated? Only ninjas can-"

"Here's where my flat is, sensei- catch you later."

Naruto quickly retreated from the Jōnin, leaving the man with a head full of questions.

Questions that could be easily answered with a stroll by the Leaf Shinobi public records…

~~xxx

Holy fuckballs that took some time.

I was hoping to do something like 10 K words here, but expected to get something like just under 5

In any case, I'm happy with the results, as late as they are for this story.

Broke the three chapter limit. Broke the 20K word limit. The world of writing is now my oyster.

Expect more updates. Expect them soon!

In the mean time, I will direct your attention toward the review box, finely crafted for your ease of use by the lovely programmers of this site. Leave me your most useful commentary, however droll or offbeat, as it will assist me in bringing you a sufficiently thoughtful literary experience.

I would also like to direct your attention to my profile page- or, rather, my other stories, as well as my current poll.

In the Now, I'd like to know how powerful Naruto is- from your point of view. I may have overstated some of his pros, but I'm trying to keep him balanced.

For instance, no Dragon Ball Z level landscape-destroying techniques or retardedly non-ninja-like techniques like "Futon: Wind Hammer Explosion of DOOOOOOM"

Thus how I've arranged him currently- a fledgling user of the natural force of misdirection. He's obviously not gonna be beating down the gates of Hell any time soon or assassinating daimyos, but he's gonna be at least _competent._

In any case, leave your interesting or creative comments in the review section **below**

Or PM me with your pithy opinions or brilliant suggestions

Believe me, I listen to all

I hope you've all had a lovely Independence Day, you Americans out celebrating yesterday, and I hope the rest of my readers had an equally brilliant regular old day, because, hey, every day you're alive and enjoying the gift of life ROCKS

In any case, good night and good luck!


	11. MontageTimeskip

**OVER THE NEXT MONTH…**

~xxx

"Pull!"

"Rrrgh!"

"Pull~!"

"Rrrrraaagghh"

"PULL!"

"Rrrraaaa-"

Pouring sweat, aching shoulders, and the midsummer heat beating down on their necks, Sasuke and Naruto were putting their all into their first official D-rank – taking care of a dead tree in some farmer's field.

It was a simple enough job, although it was a twisty, gnarly thing. The ax blades stuck easily and often in the creosote-packed trunk, sawing was slow going, and that the ground was on a slight slant didn't make the task any easier. However, by far the worst part of the mission thus far was uprooting the trunk.

As their sensei was busy chopping the tree into manageable bits- under the watchful eye of the lubricious farmer's wife- it fell to the boys to put in their youthful vigor to use, pulling at either end of a rope looped around the monstrously entrenched stump of the tree. Sakura did as best she could to help out, standing by shouting encouragement and cutting the odd root to help move things along.

At this point, even Naruto's labor-weathered hands were beginning to blister under the strain, poor Sasuke's finer palms and fingers weeping on the abrasive rope. Still, both of the boys had yet to complain, their jaws set as they powered through the pain and tiredness, determined to get this job done.

Their efforts eventually paid off, the stump coming clear away from the earth in a crumbly pop, nearly sending the two genin facefirst into the dirt. Sakura took over the rest of the removal, leaving the boys to lean on each other, grunting and panting, absentmindedly patting each other on the shoulder.

Once they'd gotten their breath back and the uprooting fully taken care of, all three dragged the stump over to a barren patch of ground away from the field, Sasuke doing the honors lighting it with a small fire ninjutsu.

The sun began to set as the genin sat down to watch the blaze. Each had their own thoughts, passing the time by making small conversation. The hours seemed to blur together, the three being content to sit and make small talk until their sensei finally came along. Apparently having been delayed by having to politely fend off the client's spouse's advances, Kakashi was not in too much of a mood for conversation, motioning that it was time to leave, now that the stump was nothing but glowing cinders.

Sakura leapt up, chipper from all the energy she hadn't spent. Naruto was exhausted, and Sasuke was worn down to "bone tired", the respite around the burning stump only having cured their mental tiredness, stumbling along behind the two fresher members of the team.

It seemed the Jōnin was feeling his charitable side, buying the team a quick bite to eat at the premier barbecue place in the village. They'd met one of the other rookie teams at the door, the senseis giving their polite greetings as the females of either team gave the other and intense death glare, and the boys just standing off to the side, too tired or too nonplussed to care much about pleasantries so late in the day. After a moment or so, they parted, Sakura giving her rival one last sneer before turning back to keep up with her own team.

Due to his predicament, it wasn't far into Sasuke's beef bowl when it became evident that he'd need help eating his food, the torn blisters on his hands making it near impossible to simply hold a pair of chopsticks in either hand. Seeing this as a prime opportunity to bond with the Uchiha, Sakura sprang into action, nearly knocking over Naruto to sit at Sasuke's side, snatching up his chopsticks and bowl, enthusiastically offering to feed him.

To say that it was hard to avoid cracking up watching the girl feeding Sasuke as he grumbled and chafed under the increasingly cutesy, saccharine assistance would be a massive understatement. Kakashi and Naruto sounded like a pair of asthmatics on the brink of respiratory failure, their only defense against certain hilarity being hiding their faces behind their hands. If looks could kill, the one that the Rookie of the Year aimed at his two unsympathetic compatriots would have murdered them three times over, burnt them to ashes, and then exploded the ashes.

It was amazing that the rest of the team had anything to eat with the…entertainment, but they managed. In fact, it wasn't too long before everyone was finished and out the door, a glow about their faces - except for Sasuke, who was having somewhat serious contemplations of violent murder…

Surprisingly, the bill was kept rather small, the most expensive order being a pot of ginger tea, which Naruto just about inhaled – near quite literally once Haruno started in with her "Sasuke food time" spectacle.

The walk home was slow and filled with plenty of amiable chatting, even the Uchiha cracking a grin after a while. As was typical of a Konoha summer, it was pretty humid, the balmy night air relaxing, a soft corona affixed about every lamp on the dark streets, and so it was easy for the team to just stroll along, content to live in the moment.

Of course, everyone had to break off toward their homes, Sakura being the first, inciting a lusty reprise of surreptitious giggling. Giving them a dark look at first, Sasuke couldn't help slipping his tongue into his cheek after a while, and the guys got to sharing some increasingly bawdy jokes and anecdotes, the jōnin's being by far the most offensive- and, as a result, the funniest, his repertoire of tales of salty individuals and salacious misunderstandings seemingly endless.

The hilarity continued well into the night, Sasuke eventually setting off toward the silent district he called home, lending a sobering note to the evening, but the guys still holding onto their mirth, a soft smile on their lips. Sasuke looked back a final time, a wistful look in his eyes, waving them off before turning and jogging into the dark.

This left Naruto and Kakashi alone together again, walking in comfortable silence, content to meander through the increasingly crappy streets, dodging potholes and broken bottles. Then the elder of the two got to humming some oldish pop tune that was being replayed on the radio all that week, as per some anniversary or another. It wasn't long before the blond picked it up, too, taking the bass line and back vocals as the jōnin kept on with the lead parts, and like that made a sort of odd continuous harmony, looping back to the fun parts several times just for the fun of it.

Then came time for the fun to end, coming up on what seemed to be the only hotel in the neighborhood. It was an okay-ish looking place that appeared like it had gotten a couple bad facelifts before the owner just threw up his hands and let everything hang out. The building looked like an architectural patchwork, bits and pieces from various styles that were the vogue decades ago, along with a flash or two of Revivalist works, making the whole place look like some trumped-up art gallery.

Making the offhanded comment that the place had a reduced price for jōnin past a certain age, Kakashi bid farewell, quickly walking through the automatic doorway without further ado.

This left Naruto to his own devices, trotting off toward home, still humming the tune to R*O*C*K*S*

~xxx

Due to the condition of Sasuke's hands, which threatened to get pretty nasty, the team had to hold off on further missions for about a week as the Uchiha got treatment at the village hospital. Each of the team checked by his place at least once, the two genin particularly impressed with the lavish manse the boy had all to himself, all the ninja amenities and small luxuries included.

The visits also led to some insight into the sheer emptiness of the boy's home life, having this huge place with only him to populate it. Witnessing this had an especially profound effect on Sakura, who was used to living in a home a tenth the size of his with a constant hum of activity about it and in a tightly woven community, her neighborhood being a village unto itself. Seeing the Uchiha's comparatively sepulchral living space was enough to make her realize the depth of the boy's loneliness.

Of course, she interpreted the solution to this "problem" in entirely the most convenient way to suit her design, but it helped her come to legitimately understand her teammate just that much more.

That wasn't to say that the rest of the team wasn't similarly affected; Kakashi certainly empathized, as did Naruto, although for separate reasons. For the Jōnin, the sorrow involved in such a sequestered, singular life was deeply understood, and thus he felt a natural need to help Sasuke rise from this abysmal place, as the man himself needed in days long since passed. In Naruto's case, it was the sense of loneliness that in and of itself bred a powerfully grim mindset, as well as the psychological impact of an empty space that one was never big enough to fill- that if there were only one more body to fill the void, that it would be substantially more a homestead than it was but for the one person in an otherwise silent world.

Thusly, even after Sasuke was sufficiently recovered, a couple days with cleaning and a prescribed chakra-infused balm later, team or the teammates, individually, would stop by on a regular basis, helping warm up the boy's home life, bit-by-bit.

That said, the next mission couldn't come too soon

~xxx

While dog-walking wasn't usually something assigned to shinobi of any caliber, when it came to tending to the extensive kennels of the Inuzuka clan, rookie genin were in constant demand. Just as the team showed up at the door, leashed were pressed into their hands and shoved out with a half dozen dogs between them.

After a little switching around, the team proceeded with the walking. Kakashi had the most, with three medium size dogs. Sakura and Sasuke split the smallest, Sasuke still dealing with tender hands and Sakura being a dainty flower. Naruto was saddled with by far the largest dog, a lethargic, ornery thing used to getting its way.

In comparison to the previous mission, it was a sinch, even a bit boring in its lack of difficulty. The only interesting parts were Sensei having to break up the fights between the three dogs he had, and Naruto being at constant odds with his beast, as he quickly brought the slobbery tank of a canine to heel with his seemingly disproportionate strength, something a situation it was not pleasantly acquainted with.

So the day wrapped up rather quickly, the team returning the dogs well before evening and getting a hefty tip to split between them for their efforts.

Naruto decided to buy the treat this time, picking up a couple drinks and a bag full of rice cakes. They found a nice spot to enjoy the sunset, a bridge leading into the market district that had an excellent view of the western horizon.

Leaning on the railing, the genin and their sensei watched the sun slowly dip below the seemingly endless expanse of trees, content to eat and spectate in silence. As night set in, they lingered, observing the horizon and their surroundings. A little after the lanterns on the bridge were lit, they finally broke up, making their way back home once again, Kakashi commenting offhandedly that they should meet back here again for missions and whatnot from then on. Mumbling assent, the genin took off toward home at their own individual pace, Kakashi accompanying Sakura back as she was still significantly more vulnerable than the rest of the team.

It was an odd feeling, being walked home by an older man, but Sakura didn't mind it. Although the man was still strange to her, she couldn't help her active imagination going right to work concocting all sorts of interesting situations, at the forefront being the sorts of candid, intimate situations that would lead to the man's unmasking. The girl bit her lip, pink suffusing her cheeks as she looked at the ground away from her sensei, who seemed to have no problem with this situation. He actually made small conversation with her, talking about random little nothings, things that were surprisingly relatable to her, and got her to wondering what sort of man her sensei was, under all that clothing.

Did she say clothing? She meant mask. Yes, mask. Just the mask. And the headband. No need to remove anything else.

Even if he was in remarkable shape for his age- and even occupation- and what little she could see of his face being definitely gorgeous, there was no need for that. No. Not even in the least.

Think of Sasuke! Think of the…

Sakura had a hard time keeping a straight face, at times dropping out of the conversation from her mental meanderings, but Kakashi-sensei was amazingly patient, gently restating anything the kunoichi admitted she'd missed, and smoothly avoiding making her feel at all "on the spot".

It was a strange feeling to finally arrive at her front door, after what seemed like a time spent in an oddly pleasant limbo. Sakura bowed, wishing the Jōnin goodnight, entering the Haruno household to meet a barrage of questions just inside, particularly about the man she'd just left.

Only after a long line of brief answers was she allowed up to her room, wherein she lay, contemplating how she'd landed a team filled with such hot- erm, interesting- guys. The odds had been against her, what with the pickings being bugboy, fatass, and a couple other charmers, and she clearly lucked out.

She certainly didn't envy Ino- she snickered, recalling the run-in the other night, her rival walking out with fatass and that ape-faced jackass in tow. Asuma-sensei was alright, but he was no bachelor at that point, what with the rumors surrounding him being with Kurenai and all. Aside from being sweet karmic revenge, it helped Sakura realize how great her team was, even with the transient bits aside.

Sasuke was the Rookie of the Year, so he was a pretty sharp, strong guy who would likely be a powerful shinobi. His patience and stiff upper lip when it came to stuff he wasn't used to, as with their first mission ever, proved he was more than just his pedigree, pulling his weight all the way, never slowing anyone down.

Kakashi-sensei was a real competent person, let alone ninja, who had a very insightful grip on the issues of those around him. After hearing from Naruto of all the horror stories concerning the man flunking so many genin hopefuls hard, it was amazing to see just how much of a thoughtful, understanding human being he was, not to mention how effective a teacher and captain he was. She'd yet to see any evidence of his combat effectiveness- the one really horrifying Gen-Jutsu and the Sasuke-burying aside- but she expected the man to be something a cut above the rabble and then some.

Naruto…

Naruto.

Naruto-

Naruto~…..

As unexpectedly infuriating as the boy was, he'd proved to be a significant boon to the team, seemingly the glue that held them together. He had an incredibly individualistic persona, but he had no problem helping someone out. The guy was terribly blunt at times, but he picked up on nuances and such that even Sensei was wont to miss on occasion, and this was only in the first couple weeks since the team's inception.

One thing that was patently clear was that Naruto was monstrously strong and his stamina was without end. He got the most dirty, took on as much of the workload as he could manage, and dealt with it all without so much as a peep in terms of complaint.

It also seemed that he was a fairly easygoing person, although he often favored the simplest path to something, which led to Sakura's chagrin with increasing regularity. Although he obviously had a fine mind under all that roughness, he stubbornly favored bulldozing his way through an obstacle with no attempt at subtlety if he could manage. If not for his wildly sneaky use of Academy jutsu during the "survival exercise", Sakura would have seriously wondered if Naruto was cut out for being a ninja. From his attitude in general he seemed to be more at home in the ranks of a daimyo's samurai corps, only driving forward and cutting down anything that offered up resistance.

But that's what kept Sakura from deciding on him, and, at the same time, what held her interest. For all his crudity, for all his aggravating silliness, for all his typically boyish behavior on occasion, Naruto was at the heart of it a beautifully cunning, likeable deviant. If only he'd do something about his maturity level and those goggles, the girl thought, he'd be a real knockout.

On that note, Sakura buried her face into her pillow, ashamed of her thoughts, even as alone as she was.

~xxx

A couple days passed before the next mission, leaving the team to their own devices for a bit, allowing them to tend to their various needs.

Naruto spent the time running small errands, paying bills and buying supplies for various home-life contingencies. He also made sure to update his wardrobe just a little further, getting a couple of fresher-looking goggles, along with some new undershirts, a long, thick coat for operations in the colder seasons/regions, and a pair of post-consumer watertight snow boots- never too early to prepare for the coming Ice Age.

Sasuke made use of the time as he usually did, training his body in all the ways he could think, practicing his aim with various projectile weapons using various throwing patterns and techniques, researching new jutsu to learn and master, and reading up on current events to keep track of any mention of a certain person. Suffice to say, he kept fairly busy.

Kakashi spent most of his time clearing up his apartment. After all that time living in such disreputable shape, he had to straighten himself out. While he wasn't going to give up the bottle any time soon, he sure as hell wasn't going to risk his health any more than was absolutely necessary. He had responsibilities to people other than himself now, and he was damned if he was going to fall down on the job- literally, as was in the hypothetical situation of him finally slipping on one of those fucking empty bottles and putting himself in traction as a result. Also, what would his genin think if they popped by and saw that his bachelor pad was a wall to wall testament to his various issues? The horror.

Sakura's time spent wasn't anything as comparably strenuous as the rest of the team, but she made the best use of it that she could, contemplating her wardrobe and expanding her knowledge of the shinobi world further, determined to not be left behind by her peers. One particularly useful genre of nin warfare was the making and application of traps- triggers, weights, purposes…the whole bit. The fledgling kunoichi wanted to make sure that, when push came to shove, she'd be able to pull her weight on the battlefield.

Soon enough, it was time for another mission- this one excruciatingly memorable.

~xxx

An inevitable part of any modern shinobi's career was to take part in PR campaigns within their respective villages- and, being the most progressive of any Hidden Village, Konohagekure led the way with something lovingly dubbed the NinCard campaign.

Essentially, it was a way to both educate the country's youth and potentially bolster the ranks of the military in the years to come, via a fairly simple concept that any child over the age of 3 could get his head around: cards. Or, rather, _trading_ cards.

Various nin of varying notoriety had their basic information and backgrounds posted under a picture of them, with a simple rating of their rank and/or ability.

These were passed out during regular visits by Leaf shinobi to various schools in the Land of Fire, and were fairly effective in informing the local populous about the criminal shinobi that could ostensibly pass through the area.

An unfortunate aspect of this mission was that it was so abysmally kid-friendly and saccharine that the cards themselves, as brief and standardized as they were, managed to be less propagandized than the script that Team 7 was handed.

The mission couldn't have gone fast enough for the guys, although Sakura didn't see what the big deal was.

Shortly thereafter the team made a beeline for the manliest D-rank they could manage to dig up.

~xxx

There was something to be said for genin. Normally, the higher-ranked shinobi looked down on them for being the rank and file, simple teamsters and all that. However, they took the jobs that nobody with any real choice in the matter would touch.

Which is why Team 7 stood out for all their enthusiasm in picking one of the serious unmentionables on any resumee…

Gravedigging.

Waiting `til sunset, the crew set off with Sakura reluctantly in tow, all of them advisedly dressed in drab greys for the task. They met with the client, who'd brought along a cart filled with the newly departed, ready for interment.

The main reason for their commission, as the genin learned, was that the collected dead were of criminals who'd died in prison, with no family to fund their burial. As such, they were to be buried in modestly marked graves, away from the cemeteries used by the local populous, in an arid field not far from the client's cart.

Plucking up their shovels, Kakashi and Naruto got to digging, Sasuke's hands still being too soft for the rough stuff. Once the first few graves were opened up, Sasuke helped Sakura carry the corpses to their new homes, taking care to remove their tags for the summary marking of each resting place.

Just the digging of the twenty-odd graves took the team well into the night, the waxing moon high in the midnight sky just as the team got every body laid. Then came the actual burial, Kakashi and Naruto at that point drenched with perspiration, the other half of the team sitting by, carving and inscribing sotoba with a serene calmness.

Throughout the procedure, as disturbed as most were at the beginning, it was a sobering, but enlightening experience. Something about tending to the dead helped the genin come to understand the essence and fragility of mortality. Their service was something inherently unmentionable, but the memory of it would remain with them for the rest of their lives.

The team, once finished, started back home in silence, contemplative of what they'd participated in.

When they were squarely back in the Hidden Leaf, the genin made the unanimous decision to crash at Sasuke's for the night, as his was the closest from where they'd come in and they were all massively exhausted. Nodding assent, their sensei saw them off, advising they take a couple days off just to recoup.

~xxx

The funny matter of the fact was waking up in the Uchiha manse, expecting to be back home, had a rather disorienting effect on Sakura. She spent the better part of half an hour wandering about the sprawling machiya, silently exploring the starkly elegant home with little hidden wonder.

Just as she was about to start panicking for virtue of finding not a single living soul, Sakura finally stumbled across Naruto and Sasuke in the kitchen, casually discussing random interests as the Uchiha cooked rice on the stove. Instead of joining in, the girl sat down, silently watching her teammates converse about whatever was on their minds.

Once the rice was done, Sasuke served it up in individual bowls, an egg beat into each. While Tamago gohan wasn't one of Sakura's favorite dishes by any stretch of the imagination, the girl sportingly picked up her chopsticks and got to eating. Shortly into the dish, she had to admit that Sasuke had better luck with the dish than her mother did, the egg being beat evenly in the just perfect amount of rice, seasoned gently with tamari sauce so that the flavor was elevated to something elegant in its simplicity. Of course, it could be her admiration of the Uchiha heir talking, but Naruto gave the quick assurance that Sasuke could, indeed, cook a damn good bowl of rice.

The Rookie of the Year contented himself with some leftover grilled fish, not much in the mood for doing more cooking so early in the day.

After a little more conversation, as well as some sparring in the open grounds just inside the manse's yard, the genin set off to take care of their personal business, bidding each other farewell until their next mission.

~xxx

Then came the first legitimately fun mission, one muggy summer afternoon, Kakashi rounding up his genin for some practical application of their skills.

A mining company in the area needed some assistance blasting bedrock, and it fell to Team 7 to help out.

This turned out to be an excellent opportunity for Kakashi to teach the team about making and application of explosive tags, with some assistance from Sakura.

The boys quickly got the hang of it, and it didn't take much to make them gung ho to blow shit up.

The day passed with little difficulty or issue, the genin running up and down the tunnels, tagging marked sections, and sprinting for cover before the resultant explosions.

All in all, it was a glorified exercise routine with pay.

For the aftermath, the team stopped by Naruto's favorite stop, Ichiraku Ramen, and made a night of it, the blond and the cook quickly starting back up with their old routine. It was a simple night with plenty of laughs all around, everyone leaving for home with a smile.

~xxx

In the strange economy that made up the civilian-run shops in the Village Hidden in the Leaves, it was often that the job market was less than stable, leaving many tradesmen without adequate apprentices for various reasons.

Enter the Ninja: quick stopgap available on demand when 'prentice boys were in short supply. In this case, Team 7 was commissioned to assist a smithing shop that was dealing with a serious backup of orders.

The day after the team got the mission, they had to show up well before daybreak, in the simplest clothing they had, throw on the supplied leather aprons, and get to work prepping the stations of the smithy. The furnace fire had to be started with sufficient fuel, the coal and wood sufficiently stocked, the bellows maintained, the tools cleaned, the quenching trough refilled, the current commission projects laid out according to priority, the smithy swept and mopped for any stray flammable material, the storefront itself swept, mopped, and scrubbed to within an inch of obliteration, and the wares of the storefront stocked to the most efficient and appealing arrangement manageable.

Once the smith and his singular apprentice came in, the tasks were essentially the same, with the addition of bringing the craftsmen their tools, maintaining a presence at the storefront, and working the bellows whenever necessary. The day passed quickly, the genin completely absorbed in keeping up their assigned tasks and positions.

By the time they'd finished, which was precluded by a thorough cleaning of the whole place, including the furnace, the team was bone tired. It came as surprise to no one that the commission was to last an additional 3 days, which seemed to be about as much time as was required to place a couple new apprentices in the shop.

So back they came, same time as always, and worked and worked and worked until late into the night. Rinse and repeat, ad nauseum.

Whilst the thought of working in a seemingly manly and warrior-minded place as a smithy was initially glamorous to the two boys of the team, it became increasingly obvious exactly why this shop was strapped for staff: the smith was firing them all.

The man was a cantankerous, needlessly fretful man with shortsighted view of things and a grandiose view of his work and himself. As was, his apprentice was little better, only having survived this long for having come from the same ethnic group as the swarthy bastard and being a shameless kissup.

But it was a temporary gig and the team as a whole quickly developed thick skin and selective deafness to the inane prating that became more and more of a constant as the days went by. By the last day, the blacksmith was as much a jackass as was physically possible within the confines of his work.

It was, in short, a temptation to the seventh circle.

Somehow they made it to closing without failing the mission, looking forward to collecting the payment to this extensive stay in this spurious hell.

The clincher came with the `prentice taking it into his head that coming on to Sakura, significantly his junior, was an open option, after all that had happened. Although the rest of the team intervened quickly enough, and the situation resolved…amicably enough, Naruto's face had a mildly sinister cast come over it as Team 7 left the shop. The blond soon reverted to his usual laidback self, smiling and joking, but nobody at that point was fooled.

It came as a mild surprise that shortly after the client had paid up in full that the shop was demolished to toothpicks overnight. Although Uzumaki acted like nothing had happened, he still rose in Sakura's eyes.

~xxx

When Kakashi gathered the team together a couple days later, nobody had expected him to hand out gifts.

Using his cut from the last few missions and some of his rainy day fund, the Jōnin had managed to procure a half dozen nin communications and relay units, state-of-the-art and designed to be intuitive for use and hands-free.

The reasoning for this was that with this the team could perform more tactical missions with this equipment. Nonetheless, it warmed the genins' hearts, each believing that this was a sign that their sensei valued them enough now to go to personal expense to assist them in becoming a more efficient team.

If only they knew…

~~xxx

Yeah, love me or hate me for the delay

My explanation for why this took so long…

To channel Kakashi, I got lost on the road of life- which is a roundabout way of saying I let my circumstances get in the way of updating

The worst part of this is that this was ready by a vast percentage (99.999%) back at the beginning of this month, a day or so after I updated chapter 10 (9).

Which reminds me- all my watchers from before July 3rd should go back and read the preceding, because it was vastly expanded upon, although it didn't show up in anybody's mailbox cos it was a simple chapter replacement, not a legit update- ergo, no time stamp or notifications.

So yeah. Go, all forty sum-odd o' you guys, and bear witness.

I'd also like to take the time to mention you folks should stop by my profile and vote in the poll, which is about your impressions of Naruto thus far in terms of power. After my curiosity has been sated, I'll take that poll down and post another.

Won't that be nice, ladies 'n' gents?


	12. Chapter 10

The mission sounded really simple when they'd received it. And, to be perfectly honest, it turned out fairly simple for Team 7.

The problem was…the subject of the mission. Up until that point, the genin had been carrying out stuff that sense.

None of the genin felt that this was something particularly meriting their time. Sure, yeah, returning possession to their rightful owners could, in the right circumstances, merit hirelings.

But catching a cat?

Did this task really require people with trained chakra networks or extreme fitness for their age and social rank? Did it require fledgling mercenaries, schooled in the fine arts of hurting people?

Where helping out fellow shinobi, who were of a different culture and mindset, or assisting civilians in typically backbreaking work- experience in which would help them assume a role undercover as well as toughening their bodies for strain on more advanced missions down the road…catching a cat? Where did that figure in?

This stinks of somebody with too much time and/or money on his hands.

In this case, it was the resident daimyo's wife who had too much of either on her hands; the woman's precious pet, Tora, had run away.

Cue shitstorm and the commissioning of Konohagekure no Sato's services.

Be that as it may, it provided the instructor of Team 7 with the excuse to inflict another teamwork exercise on them. Joy.

~xxx

Surprising as it was, tracking down the flightful feline was not as dull as originally presumed, and made for better exercise of the assorted nin's abilities than anticipated.

Still, it wasn't too long before the team had the cat ostensibly cornered.

"What's the distance to the target," Kakashi-sensei prompted, acting as radio command for the operation.

"Five meters," came Naruto's response, "We are ready at any time."

"Same here"

"Likewise."

"Okay, gang, on my mark- ready, steady, GO!"

Using a basic flanking maneuver, Sakura and Sasuke flushed the beast out, in the direction they'd planned. The cat made to get away with surprising agility, considering its wouldbe captors, darting into the brush in an instant.

Silence.

In a rustle of leaves, Naruto emerged from a bush. He held a writhing ball of fur in one hand, seeming as if to not even notice the frothing whirlwind of claws and matted hair.

"Shu~," the blond sighed, "I'd say we're done with this mission, neh?"

"Lemme check," Sakura said, turning away to 'speak' to Kakashi, "Left ribbon on ear, auburn fur, and 'energetic' makes this Tora, right, sensei?"

"That's an affirmative. Bring it in, guys, we're heading back to Mission HQ."

~xxx

"Ah~, man," Naruto exclaimed, stretching his back while the team walked "That was fun, guys."

"Hmm," Sasuke grunted, absorbed in his own after-mission ritual of examining his hands.

Although still fairly dainty in comparison to the blond's rough palms, he'd built up a fair amount of callousing everywhere imaginable, and had taken to using a rasp he carried with him everywhere to wear down the hornier patches of skin. He'd also had picked up the habit of oiling his hands and feet to keep them moisturized and supple as he'd heard Iwa nin of old were rumored to have done. Naruto occasionally gave the brunet a fair amount of ribbing about his prissy habits, it was all in fair play and was never really all that serious.

Sakura glanced down at her hands, giving her nails a once-over before giving the boys their once-overs. If one were anybody but an insider, the changes everybody on the team went through was nonexistent, but as the girl of the team barely missed anything if she could help it, she'd picked up on a gradual molding in the individual personalities and the overall team dynamic.

At the beginning, everybody was fairly cagey around everybody else, not really feeling the need to share anything. The situation was fragile and if she had to make some sort of determination about the successfulness of Team 7, taking her personal feelings out of the equation, she would have judged them doomed to failure.

But now everybody seemed to come together, and it took little guesswork to figure out the cause:

Just a little insertion into the lives of his compatriots, with his genial conversation and measured intrusion on the team's daily norm, Naruto had shocked everyone out of their self-centered attitudes and in his clever way forced them to open up and bond. Although there were many tales of legendary teams bonding through blood, steel, and suffering, Uzumaki had forged the team together through laughter and food, patiently manipulating even the enigmatic Kakashi into commiserating with his charges.

There was some kind of magic about the boy, although for the life of her Sakura could not fathom it. She knew in her heart of hearts that Naruto was cold and calculating, but she often found herself convinced that the boy lost himself in his own machinations, allowing himself to be connected and human just like the rest of them.

The girl shivered a bit, hugging herself a bit, before relaxing and telling herself to just enjoy the walk back to the village central.

Kakashi seemed content to shove one hand in his pocket and act as if he was just gazing around at the scenery, trailing behind his genin. In reality, he was inwardly pensive.

Would this team really work out? Are they really cut out to be ninja? It's too early to really tell for sure, but their teamwork is pretty amazing, Naruto, especially; the boy just didn't seem to have a limit to his generosity or willingness to give himself over to the team. He always came prepared for all the basic contingencies and didn't hesitate to jump feetfirst into the mission, ready to make a difference.

Sakura wasn't too far behind, from what he could tell. She'd near immediately taken his lessons to heart and dove headfirst into training, pushing herself harder than either of the boys, apparently determined to make a difference on the team and to herself. Whether Naruto had anything to do with her sudden change in motivation was debatable, but either way the girl's progress as a ninja was beginning to border on incredible for one right out of the gate.

The Uchiha, too, was showing some remarkable improvement. When he'd first laid eyes on the final scion of the Sharingan, it seemed like whatever humanity he'd had was lost. After the test, though, it seemed like he was gradually, but surely, coming out of his shell. Insane though it might have sounded to anybody else, Sasuke was positively functional nowadays…given that he still answers almost everything with a grunt and has an unshakable proclivity to laconic one-liners.

But the most bizarre thing about the brunet orphan was how readily he attached to Naruto, of all people. Now, they were both initially loner types and were given to seclusion from most social events or peer groups, but they were also markedly opposite each other. Uzumaki was the black to Sasuke's white, the wet to his dry, the hot to his cold. And yet the two coexisted in class day after day, without incident or cause for suspicion.

Come the aftermath to the test and somehow they're practically bosom buddies. It wasn't anything amazing, their synergy, but what they had hinted at a near instinctual connect, without need for explanation or thought. Watching the two work in tandem was something bordering unreal. Imagine what they could accomplish were they given a serious mission.

Hmm. That bears some consideration. The team had definitely completed enough missions, after all. Perhaps something simple to get them warmed up for the field…

~xxx

After handing over the cat to meet its fate, the team stood back and watched the ecstatic, makeup-plastered woman inflict her love on her pussy. It was a grave, telling scene- one that all four turned their backs on, Sakura sparing a lingering glance, remarking "No wonder it ran away…"

Kakashi responded with an offhanded wave.

"Nevermind the cat, Sakura; it was the mission's benefit that was important."

The Jōnin sighed, a smile creasing his face-mask. "My assessment was that you guys did pretty well as a team. Not just this mission, but the last few, too. You also seem to be bonding pretty well in your free time, something I approve of."

"Sure, that's nice, sensei," Naruto said, lacing his fingers behind his head, "But where is that gonna take us? I've been promoted to genin…and I'm not getting the 'ninja' vibe from these missions."

The blond noticeably watched the business happening in the room, rocking a little on his heels as he did. "I mean, I've been doing this crap since before I even met you, sensei. Ain't too much too it, not to sound insensitive or nothing."

"I've gotta go with Naruto on this, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura piped up, fiddling with the hem of her skirt, "I feel like we're just doing this because we're new and we're filling the least wanted position."

Kakashi glanced down at the girl, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh- um…I'm not ungrateful or anything, and I don't think I'm super-ready for bigtime nin-work, but, u-uh…"

The Jōnin laid a hand on the young kunoichi's head, patting it good-naturedly "It's fine, Sakura. I'd thought you guys would get around to saying something like this eventually."

"Hmn."

"Well said, Sasuke."

Naruto ducked the brunet's swipe at his head, cackling. The other two shook their heads, the man of the group sending a glance toward the briefing desk.

"Tell you what, gang- I'll see what I can do…"

Kakashi walked up to the desk, making a beeline to the Hokage, quietly discussing whatever it was the younger ninja had in mind.

Sakura craned forward a bit to try and pick up something or other, but it seemed like they just got quieter the closer she got.

"Five notes say she either bites her tongue or sensei calls her out on it," Naruto mutters to Sasuke, elbowing his side. The Uchiha just grunted back, as per his usual response.

"Good one, Sasuke."

The boy casually dodged a willful shot at his kidney, throwing his neighbor the best "shocked" look he could manage with his specs while trying not to stumble into Sakura in the process.

"Hey guys," Kakashi said, turning his head only as much as he needed to, "I'm gonna be here a while to finish up all the little details. While I'm doing this, go home and pick up anything you think you're gonna need for a week long mission, then get your asses down to the village gates; we've got ourselves an escort mission."

The girl of the group fought to compose herself as smoothly as possible when her sensei turned his eye on the group, but his declaration caused her to trip up and nearly fall to the floor in a heap. Sasuke's eyebrows rose, his lips pursing as he nodded his approval, though whether it was because of the prospect of a semi-serious mission or that Sakura had her butt thrust out on an angle due to her attempts to remain upright was uncertain.

Naruto didn't miss the opportunity on the way out, though, tweaking both his teammates' rears, much to his amusement. The two receiving weren't too amused, though, so they joined together to kick the meddlesome blond down the stairs.

~xxx

"Hey guys- woah, I hope you brought more than one change of clothes."

Kakashi had arrived with the supposed client in tow, chancing upon the scene of two virtually spotless, prepared genin, and one rather beat up, but mostly ready genin.

"Get in a fight on the way here, Sasuke?"

"Hn," the boy said, rubbing some dirt off his nose with his thumb.

"Well, I hope you won at any rate- let's get going."

And so…they set off- TO THEIR DESTINY

"How long do you think this will take, Sasuke?"

"Hmn"

"Good one, Sasuke."

"Naruto-kun, quit provoking Sasuke-kun!"

Then again…

~~xxx

Not quite the length I'd wanted, but it'll have to do.

A very common complaint.

Oh well. It's another chapter. I'm not letting this fic go, guys.

****EDIT****

Okay, I just wanted to add my responses to a bit of buildup of Anon reviews (and other stuff I can't normally respond to in private).

**LXS** : Well, well! What a unique review! Dunno if English is your first language, but I'm happy about your appreciation for bits I worked especially hard on! I honestly wanted to show Kakashi off as something other than an inexcusable jerkoff, going as far as to cast a truly negligent sensei as his precedent. I'm also glad you took particular interest in the bit on the test, as well as the situation of essentially child-soldiers in the Narutoverse; it's refreshing to have similar observations being made by my readers, as it tells me I'm at least doing something right. Thanks for the review :)

Guest (1) : I understand where you're coming from, but I'm being skimpy on the info for a reason. As for your complaints about "mysterious backstories", my response is that it's only a plot hole if the damn story isn't completed yet. Sure, I know my plotwriting isn't anywhere near perfect, but, sheesh, gimme a break!

Guest (2) : Pfft you did your homework (somewhat), but you obviously didn't watch the actual movie. Boris the Animal, the inspiration for this story, snagged himself a girlfriend, one fell for him hard enough to pick up the Weasel for him and spring him out of solitary. Plus...God damn, that tongue action. Anyways, I tackled the whole "transformation angst" bs, I gave it a fair explanation and shame on you for not noticing.

Now that that's over with...I hope I don't have to deal with nitpickery like that too much down the road...but I can only be so lucky.

Anyways, I welcome all reviews, nitpickery or not, and I'll be happy for your feedback on the latest chapters!

Also, please be sure to stop by my profile- I have a poll there that I'd love for people to vote on!


	13. Chapter 11

Naruto hummed as the party traveled along the road, seemingly the most carefree of the group. His relaxed demeanor belied the reality of his mindset, which was awhirl with a number of scenarios and possible solutions.

Sasuke dutifully kept his focus further down the path, watching either side with a discerning eye. His hands were kept busy, checking various supplies and weapons to ensure they were where they were needed and secure. The horseplay to his house and back had him rush through the packing. Without time to go over and doublecheck whilst before the group had set out, he was left a little offbeat, and so he'd have to wait until the group had stopped to really take a proper accounting-for of all that he'd managed to bring with him.

Sakura took the time to review some brief notes on the area surrounding the village, pertaining to wildlife, altitudes, and documented criminal activity in the regions further out. Although this was still well within home territory, there was no telling what would happen. A part of herself entertained the grim possibility of enemy nin, but that would classify a B ranked mission at least! She lifted her gaze from her scroll to eye the client ambling next to her.

The man didn't look like all that much. Kind of a disappointment, really, but this was supposed to be a job suited for rank-and-file rookies, so there wasn't likely to be any cause for alarm. The man wasn't rich, wasn't reputable, and his origins were underwhelming. The only remarkable aspects of the man were his physique at his advanced age (seemingly in his late fifties, yet sporting the musculature of a working man in his mid-thirties), his attachment to bottle, and his surly attitude.

Although Sakura didn't think to see anything in what she noticed, Kakashi, who noticed the same things from the getgo, did. The Jōnin had performed many missions, and had through trials and tribulations learned, as he'd advised his team but a month ago, to look beneath the beneath.

The man, Tazuna, was supposedly a bridgebuilder. He came from the Land of Waves- which was odd, considering that what little info was gathered about the place nodded to a reliance on boats, as its economy relied on fishing and the odd diving expedition for pearls. What use had such a nation for a bridgebuilder?

Add to that his cantankerous, brooding demeanor, which he near immediately let be known once he got an eyeful of the genin waiting for him at the gates. While some clients would raise a small fuss at having kids do whatever work they had for them, the way the man so aggressively expressed his doubtfulness and contempt for "a bunch of super brats" was outside the norm for even most cheapskate clients trying to strike a bargain.

That is, if he was an honest client. If Tazuna had, say, a guilty conscience or was leading them into a trap, and thus was hiring the group under false pretenses, then the behavior made more sense. Given that, his banter and drunk act could be a form of diversion. He looked tough enough to be in a run-of-the-mill bandit. However, he lacked the evidence of self-decoration or rough habit of talking that roving outlaws were wont to show, so that was only a faint possibility.

A more likely hypothesis was that the client was in a fair spot of trouble and thus needed protection from some group in particular. That would explain his drinking.

Then there was the fact he hired out a low C-rank nin team for escort service in such a situation. This would mean one of two things, both stemming from some sort of limitation: either he was a miserly cheapskate, which was irritating, but understandable- or he was too poor to afford anything else.

And as he'd come from what was a minor land with fish, hardly something in limited supply, as their main export, the latter held more substance. Then again, maybe he spent most of his mission money on all that booze he seemed to have stocked his entire pack with. And then yet again, he felt that whatever team he hired wouldn't be enough, and thus felt that the outcome would be generally the same.

That begged the question why he bothered at all, though. Perhaps he was optimistic. He seemed together, more or less, when he met Kakashi in the briefing room. A little surly, but nonetheless together.

When he saw the kids, though…that's when he started to really degrade in terms of agreeability. Either he was pessimistic at the best of times, or he really had little to no hope at all.

But this was Kakashi's first team, so he held out hope. This wasn't war time. These kids weren't needed to become deadly warriors as quickly as possible. The Land of Fire was in peacetime for the first time since the inception of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. His genin shouldn't have to give up their innocence so quickly. Let them enjoy life while they could, untainted by the evils of violence and hatred.

And so the Jōnin ignored the very possible grim truths staring him in the face. However, the familiar mélange of dread and paranoia kept the man on his toes, no matter how reluctant he was to allow it inside him. He hoped the biggest problem on this mission would be the threat of an anxiety attack…

"Man, I paid for this escort? Seems like a waste…"

Tazuna hiccoughed, taking another liberal swig of his latest bottle of liquor. Finally, the man got a response from Naruto, who had up to that point ignored the alky cyinic.

"Old man," the blond said, turning to face Tazuna as they walked, "you're not doing much to inspire us to protect you."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you shhhhay…bwrat…"

Naruto opened his mouth to respond, but paused as if there was something he'd sighted somewhere behind the group, his nose twitching for some reason. The pause didn't last long, though, as the boy quickly grinned, flashing his double-pointed teeth.

"-Not that the look of yo- no, the _smell_ of you wasn't counter to my team's inspiration already."

Tazuna burped, waving Naruto off.

"Pnssh…nngh piss off, kid."

The boy just kept on grinning turning around, a jerky spring in his step. Although he didn't seem all that put off by Naruto's insults, Tazuna lowered his voice, now just muttering to himself.

"Friggin'…freakh kid...fuckin' goggles…an' stupid-lookin' face…"

~xxx

A little later, further down the road, Sakura decided to attempt some conversation, having long since put away her notes.

"Um…Tazuna-san?"

The bridgebuilder blinked, unused to hearing polite words from the genin for once.

"Eh? What?"

"You're from Wave country, right?"

"What about it?"

Sakura looked to her sensei, something clearly on her mind.

"Um…Kakashi-sensei? Do they have ninja in that country, too?"

"No, not in the Land of Waves," Kakashi said, quickly adding "But in most other regions, although the cultures and customs vary, you'll find hidden villages- and as a result, ninja."

Sakura hummed, fiddling with the armstraps of her pack. Noticing that his genin wasn't too satisfied with the answer, and seeing as there wasn't much in the way of conversation to keep his mind from wandering on this mission, the Jōnin decided it was time to give a valuable lecture.

"For many of the Lands on this continent, possessing a hidden village indicates a certain level of power and affluence. Ninja villages don't preside over the countries, but they stand on essentially equal footing with the lands' governments and the governments' more public militaries.

"There are a fair number of hidden villages, and five of those stand equally as the five largest and most powerful: Leaf, Mist, Cloud, Sand, and Stone. These five are known as the Great Five Shinobi Villages, and are also the only hidden villages to have the right to dub their leader a 'Kage'. The 'Shadow Five'- Hokage, Mizukage, Raikage, Kazekage, and Tsuchikage- they reign over the thousands of ninja that originate from the Great Five Villages.

"Relating back to your initial question, a small country- such as Wave, which doesn't interfere with (and as a result doesn't get interfered with) its larger neighbors- has no real need for its own shinobi village."

Sakura blinked, being unused to Kakashi being so formal or verbal- or even so helpful (not since the "Final Test" from back a month ago, at least).

"Wow…Hokage-sama is the greatest!"

The girl looked like she only half-believed what she was saying. The other genin, who had been visibly listening in to the conversation, didn't look too convinced, either.

"…You guys just doubted our most honorable Hokage, didn't you?"

The three didn't show their guilt, but Kakashi knew it was there. Oh yes he did.

"But don't concern yourselves with thoughts like that right now," Kakashi said, patting Sakura on the shoulder, "there's not likely to be any ninja combatants on a simple C-rank mission."

"Then…" Sakura slowly began, some of the unease coming out of her voice, "we won't come in contact with foreign ninjas?"

Kakashi chuckled.

"Of course not!"

Sasuke, chancing another glance toward the client, immediately noted the visible look of concern on the man's face. Kakashi, in the same moment, immediately noted the visible look of a puddle on the side of the path.

And in the next moment, the strained peace and willful ignorance of the party was shattered as they were set upon by "unlikely" enemy ninja.

~~xxx

A cliffhanger?

Please. I'll be updating this fic within the next 24 hours. Keep your panties unbunched, gawd.


	14. Chapter 12

They went after Kakashi-sensei first. They wrapped him in their chain and tore him to bits in little under a second.

"One down," the demonic-looking shinobi droned.

The demon twins went after Naruto next, on him in the blink of an eye.

"Two down," they growled, the satisfaction of certain victory sneaking into their voices.

The blond just turned his head, his goggles gleaming in the sunlight.

"Two down? Please."

As the enemy ninja struck, he disappeared in a puff of smoke, replaced by a log.

"That's my line."

Naruto's voice issued from behind the twins the instant before his hammerfists swung into either unguarded temple of the gobsmacked enemies, sending them in opposing directions.

Taking advantage of his opening, Naruto aimed for the bigger one, putting the man in a Full Nelson lock, kicking the man's legs out from under him and standing on his ankles, shouting "Eh, Sasuke! On Two-Horns!"

The Uchiha didn't need much of an invitation, charging the still-reeling second half of the enemy team, taking him down with a mighty flying knee to the face. Something went crunch on the way down- likely the poor sucker's nose.

In prompt succession, Naruto put his own opponent in a sleeper hold, the foreign nin passing out just as Kakashi stepped out of the bushes without a scratch on him.

"Yare, yare," he sighed, scratching the back of his head, "my plan didn't work out."

Shaking his head, he added, "But at least for once it's because it was my team outperformed my expectations, rather than the enemy…"

Sakura took the initiative to finally respond, having tackled Tazuna to the ground and made do with looking dangerous during the fight.

"What the _fuck_, sensei?!"

At this point everyone blinked, surprised the usually level, proper Sakura would react like this. Then again, considering the situation, irony and all…

"Calm down, Sakura," the man said, holding his hands up in front of him in the universal 'man placating angry woman' pose, "It all worked out. Everything's fine-"

"What if it hadn't been fine, huh?! What if somebody had gotten killed? What if you'd actually gotten ripped to pieces? What if we all died?!"

"Now, Sakura-"

"Now, _sensei_! How could you do this to me- to _us_! If you hadn't switched out, if-"

"Sakura. Shut your idiot mouth for a second."

The girl flinched, obviously not prepared for Naruto to say something, too busy being pissed-off at the supposed role model of the group.

"N-Naruto…"

The blond sighed, his taut expression softening a bit.

"Just calm down, okay? We're all a little jazzed-up because of this. Let's be happy that nobody's hurt, alright? Kakashi's still here, I'm still here, and your future husband's okay. Plus, our client hasn't been killed, 'accidentally' or otherwise."

Sasuke, having remained silent up to this point, cuffed Naruto on the back of the head on his way over to the nearest tree to tie up his captive.

"Jackass…"

"Love you, too, sweetheart."

~xxx

Kakashi hummed, leafing through his book as the party continued on up the road. Things were getting murkier by the second, but, despite that, he'd given the green light to press on.

The two nin that'd ambushed them didn't give up any information, reputedly dedicated as those from the Bloody Mist were. They preferred to ask questions of their own. Although annoyed that they were uncooperative, the Jōnin saw no harm in smugly notifying them of how he'd caught on to their trap. Which reminded him…

"Eh- Naruto?"

"Yeah, sensei?"

"How come you were so prepared for the attack?"

"Neh~ sensei," the boy chuckled, tapping his nose, "A good ninja never tells his secrets."

Kakashi noticeably leveled a particularly wounding look on Naruto.

"You know, I still rank above you. Perhaps I should arrange for you a solo mission when we get back, where you can scrub the entirety of the ANBU headquarter's latrines, seeing as you're such an _exemplary _ninja, after all-"

Conspicuously choosing the exact moment that Kakashi threatened him, Naruto snapped his fingers, exclaiming.

"Ah! I think I dropped something out of my pack in all the excitement back there! I'll have to go check!"

"Whatever makes you happy, Naruto," the Jōnin said, waving the boy off, "Just be quick about it- we're not gonna stop or slow down the mission so you can be comfy."

Naruto had already turned around, jogging lightly back where they'd come.

"Yeah, yeah, sensei. You don't need to wait up for me-"

"Remember, the longer you make us wait, the more ideas I can come up with for your super special elite missions-"

"Nin-nin, sensei~3" the blond called back, picking up the pace some, laughing as he passed out of earshot.

"…Crazy kid," Tazuna remarked once Naruto was out of range.

"You've no idea," Sakura replied, taking the time to self-consciously sort through her pack, now that Naruto's own situation had lit the spark of doubt in her mind.

"Hmn," Sasuke grunted.

"Good one, Sasuke."

The boy's head spun around, staring at Sakura in evident surprise.

Kakashi blinked.

"…It's contagious!"

~xxx

Naruto had caught up with the group just as they met up with one of Tazuna's friends, who was apparently supposed to sneak them into the Land of Waves via boat. They all clambered in without incident, and had spent most of the ride in silence, minus the initial ruckus Naruto made as he reorganized his pack, ensuring everything stayed put this time.

Sakura broke the tense silence at long last with a sigh.

"What thick mist…I can't see anything beyond the boat."

Tazuna's friend spoke up in response, unease palpable in his voice.

"We should be seeing the bridge soon; you'll find Wave country at the other end of it."

The team took note of this, the genins' eyes straining in the soupy thickness to sight the rumored bridge first. Kakashi nodded to himself, reminded of his earlier hypotheses.

Naruto was the first to see it, being at the front of the boat, commenting near immediately.

"It's a big one," he said, head craning a bit to take it all in as best he could.

"Quiet now," the boatman said, "There's a reason we're not using the engine and sneaking through the mist. We're fucked if Gatō catches us out here…"

Tazuna swallowed nervously, the team he'd hired taking quick notice of his reaction to the name. Kakashi hummed, drumming his fingers gently on the side of the boat. This mission was beginning to really concern him…

"We'll be there soon," the boatman said, doing his best to keep his voice sotto voce, "Tazuna, it looks like we've avoided being caught so far, but I'm gonna make sure it stays that way- we'll take the route with the vegetation. It should make it that much harder to get spotted."

"My thanks," Tazuna said, giving a nod to his friend before taking another hearty swig of his bottle.

Soon what looked to be an aqueduct loomed overhead as the boat passed through, hugging the shady cover of some stubborn trees growing in the middle of the great expanse of water. When the boat got beyond the all-too-brief cover the man made a nervous beeline for a shanty town just beyond, docking at the side of a house on the outermost rim.

The bridgebuilder's friend bid them farewell as the party disembarked, saying "This is it for me. Goodbye and good luck."

"Yeah," Tazuna said, visibly brightening now that they were back in home territory, "Super thanks."

"Okay! Now you guys get me home safe," he added, speaking to the team with a boldness he hadn't shown before.

"Yes, yes," Kakashi said, weariness edging into his own voice.

Shortly into the last leg of the journey, Naruto commented "Guy says 'super' a lot, doesn't he?"

"Super shut up, Naruto."

"Hey now, Sakura. Be nice to your teammate."

"Yeah Sakura- nice. Come on, get with the program."

"Ugh…"

A moment later, Kakashi and Naruto both caught some sort of movement just up the path, behind the brush bordering the road. In the following split instant, the younger had whipped a weapon into the brush.

As the instructor for the team cautiously approached the now-silent brush, Sakura exuberantly slapped Naruto upside the head.

"Don't fricking _do_ that, Naruto!"

"Ah, Sakura, have mercy!"

Pulling back the cover of leaves, the Jōnin found what had apparently made the noise, beckoning his students to look his way with a sedate "ahem".

"Oh…"

Pinned to a tree was a specialized kunai…along with the white rabbit the weapon had skewered through the throat. Sakura re-commenced beating on her teammate.

"Naruto, you sick, twisted, evil-"

"Oy, Sakura-chaaan," the boy cooed placatingly, "you look like you've never seen dinner before."

"This isn't the time for joking about something so tragic, you psycho," Sakura growled, kicking her coy friend in the shins.

Kakashi, however, was immediately on guard. This didn't bode well…a white snow rabbit in summer. It seemed that the game was afoot, and his team wouldn't be the ones to make the first move. Sasuke, uninvolved in the hubbub, caught on to the sudden change in his sensei's demeanor and edged closer to the client, reaching into his shuriken pouch as he did.

Then came a rustling of leaves behind them, likely the expected sign before the situation devolved.

"Everyone!" Kakashi called, glancing up into the trees, "Get down!"

As a blur of grey shuddered through the clearing, Naruto had pounced Sakura, and Sasuke Tazuna, Kakashi already low to the ground, watching as the huge something passed overhead.

As the instructor of the team straightened up, the sight that greeted him sent an invisible stone to sink into his stomach. The blade…and the man standing upon it's implausibly huge handle…

Behind him the group reoriented itself, Sasuke easily helping the bridgebuilder to his feet. Naruto had a harder time disentangling himself and Sakura from the awkward position they'd landed in- particularly their faces- but he managed all the same.

"Naruto~3," Sakura gasped, but Naruto waved her into silence with a serious set in his jaw, sharply pointing to the new arrival, taking the young kunoichi's hand gently and pulling her up with restrained urgency.

Five stared up at one, tense in the silence.

"Everybody, get back," Kakashi said, putting a hand behind him, "This one's on a whole `nother level."

Sasuke swallowed, arming himself with a kunai in either hand as he forced himself to case the situation, tearing his gaze away from the grim intruder.

"Momochi Zabuza, formerly of the Hidden Mist…"

"It'll be a little tough," the Jōnin commented, reaching for his headband, "-unless I do this."

He straightened his forehead protector, revealing his long-hidden eye- not an empty eye socket, as presumed by the genin and Tazuna, but a living, functional eye. Burning red, blotted with inky blackness.

Sasuke immediately saw it for what it was- the Sharingan!

"You appear to be 'Sharingan Kakashi'," the strange visitor remarked, turning his head as he looked back at the group below him, "My apologies, but the old man is mine."

Kakashi frowned at that. This confirmed what his gut had been telling him. Granted that they all got out alive from this, he'd have to have a sorting-out with the good bridgebuilder.

"Surround and protect the client," the mysterious sensei advised, his voice soft, but his intent clear, "Do not enter the fight. That's the teamwork here."

A chill passed down the spines of the rookie ninja, realizing their stake in this fight. This wasn't their world anymore- it was now the world of real ninja…real killers…

"First, Zabuza," Kakashi said, coolly falling into a familiar form and mindset of readiness, "fight me."

The strange nin opposing Kakashi made a noise of amusement, turning to face the Leaf shinobi with his whole body.

"I already get to see the famous Sharingan- I'm honored."

Naruto hummed, becoming strangely distant from the atmosphere permeating the area.

"Sharingan, huh?"

"It's said that some have the ability in their eyes to read and defeat all manner of techniques," said Sasuke, finding his voice despite the situation, "The Sharingan is one of the eyes- the sights- that gives you that power."

The Uchiha shifted his stance, closing the distance between him and the client.

"But that's not the only ability the Sharingan has…"

"Zabuza" chuckled, a smile seeming to crease the bandages covering his face.

"Exactly, that's not all. What's even scarier is that you can copy your opponent's techniques once you see them."

Staring back at Kakashi, the strange shinobi continued.

"When I was a member of the Hidden Mist's assassination team, I kept a handbook. It included information on you."

Dread continued to fill the Leaf Jōnin, the end to how much worse this situation could get from here nowhere in sight. A ninja's greatest weapon was secrecy, and it seemed like he was pretty much disarmed by his undesired reputation.

"This is what it said-

"The man who copied over a thousand techniques…'Copy Ninja Kakashi'"

Sakura looked stunned- probably by the revelation of her sensei being this secret badass, but it was anyone's guess.

Sasuke was on edge and ready to call shenanigans, seeing as he knew all about that eye- and Kakashi shouldn't be one of _those_ people. Unless…could he be…?

Naruto was getting calmer by the second. Tazuna was starting to get the willies from the freaky blond kid, even starting to edge away out of instinct.

"Now let's end all the talking," Zabuza said, crouching on the handle of his ridiculous blade, "I have to kill that old man."

The ronin shinobi's eyes took on an eerie cast.

"But, Kakashi…it seems I have to beat you first!"

And with that, the intruder disappeared.

"On the water," Naruto announced, his words spoken in a careless drawl, his stance open and without sign of fear.

Forming a hand seal, the air around Zabuza began to fog, and the air nearer the group followed suit, imitating the mist that they had tried to hide in on the way here. Come to think of it…the implications were disturbing…

"Ninpō: Hidden Mist Technique…"

And then he was gone, a leaf drifting down to lazily touch on the water where the ninja had just recently stood, defying all logic of physics.

"He'll come after me first," Kakashi announced, grimly sure of his prediction, "Momochi Zabuza- as a member of the Hidden Mist, he was known as an expert of silent killing. You wouldn't notice until you're already dead…

"It's not like I can use the Sharingan perfectly; you guys had best be careful…"

Naruto scoffed.

"God, sweet words of confidence, you doomsaying fuckass."

Despite this, the blond swept his gaze around, sinking into a posture less open to attack, his goggles starting to fog.

"Shit's getting thick enough to taste, guys. Eyes open."

The boy cleared his lenses with two fingers, the kunai from before in hand.

Then a voice sounded from somewhere in the now virtually opaque whiteness, seeming to come from all sides.

"Eight choices…"

Sakura blinked, bringing up her weapon of choice, a simple standard kunai, and glancing quickly around. Sasuke gritted his teeth, tightening his hands on his own weapons.

"Liver…lungs…spine…clavicle vein…neck vein…brain…kidneys…heart…

"Which one should I go after?"

With no eyes on him, Naruto's lips parted wide, a disturbed grin shamelessly adorning his face.

Kakashi suddenly brought up his hands in an abrupt seal, and somehow the oppressive feeling seemed to be pushed far away. The group's mood lightened slightly, no longer held down by what felt like death breathing on the back of their necks.

Sasuke was having trouble adjusting, though, the pressure beginning to get to him. Even with such reassuring people around him, he was unsure, and ready to just have this madness over with.

"Don't worry," his Jōnin-sensei said, his voice somehow comforting now that the strange feeling was gone, "I'll protect you guys even if it kills me."

And he meant it. Kakashi turned his head, the scar over his secret eye evidence of the danger the man he'd overcome- and thus, the prospect of this danger being overcome.

"I don't let my comrades die."

Then, with nary a sound, the enemy was among them. Zabuza, between the genin and the client, had appeared in but an instant.

Startled, the team turned on the man, ready to attack and defend in equal measures.

"It's over," Zabuza announced.

As the strange assassin said that, however, Kakashi had taken advantage of his theatrics and knocked everybody else out of the way, taking the man by surprise with a ninja's take on a bum rush and stabbing him right through the heart. Zabuza grunted weakly, something cold and wet leaking onto Kakashi's hand.

"Behind you, sensei," Naruto called, eyes on a new Zabuza behind the Jōnin.

The newest arrival swung its massive blade, cleaving the Copy Nin in two.

Sakura shrieked, eyes wide in shock- only to find out, once again, that her sensei was up to the same mischief as before, the bisected 'corpse' dissolving into innocuous water. The remaining Zabuza- as the other seemed to have joined the fake Kakashi in its amorphous fate- looked appropriately surprised.

And then came what was presumably the real Kakashi, placing the touch of cold, sharp steel on the enemy shinobi's throat.

"Don't move," the Leaf nin said, "it's over."

Oddly enough, the man relaxed under the knife, even having the nerve to laugh softly, as if there was some kind of secret joke to the situation.

"It's over? You don't get it."

Self-righteous mirth leaked into Zabuza's gravelly voice, setting everybody else on edge.

"There's no way you can defeat me with such monkey-like imitations."

He chuckled, standing still as stone. The mist had fallen away in all the action, leaving the area bare of all but the six in the clearing.

"But that was impressive of you…"

The eyebrowless man looked back at Kakashi out of the corner of his eye.

"At that time," he said, referring to when the Jōnin had spoken to reassure his team, "You had already copied my Water Clone Technique…

"You had your clone say those words to attract my attention while the real you hid in the mist and watched me."

Zabuza snorted.

"Nice plan, but…"

Kakashi felt the touch of cold steel in turn, and with it the icy fingers of dread traced down the nape of his neck.

"I'm also not that easy," came the voice of his foe, having played him at his own game.

Naruto, forgetting the seriousness of the situation, slapped himself on the side of the head, moaning "Good God, could we stop with all the fakes? I'm getting a headache from all the gotcha moments."

Kakashi ducked the expected swipe with the ridiculously humongous sword. Unexpectedly, Zabuza planted the tip of his weapon deep in the ground, pivoting. He contorted his entire body in the fraction of a second, planting the heel of his palm on the pommel of his weapon and sending one foot back, catching his opponent in the gut, the end result of the motion sending the Copy Ninja flying across the clearing to land in the water.

Attempting to capitalize on his advantage, the rogue nin dislodged his sword, sprinting to catch up with the fallen Jōnin. He passed the target of his mission on the way, ignoring the bridgebuilder in favor of the satisfaction of taking down a reputable foe such as Kakashi the Copy Ninja, but stopped short of his enemy due to the "materialized" caltrops blocking his way.

"Foolish," he remarked, disappearing again.

The genin reacted in different ways. Sakura was shocked that her seemingly invincible sensei seemed to be actually losing now. Sasuke noted yet another aspect of this enemy, apparently being as strong in physical combat as he was in nin techniques.

As Kakashi began to drag himself to shore, startled at how difficult the process seemed, Zabuza once again appeared, his hands formed in another seal. The formidable enemy chuckled.

"Fool," he growled.

To his astonishment, the very water formed around Kakashi, entrapping him in a sphere of dense liquid.

"You may have been trying to escape to the water, but that was a big slip on your part."

The bandaged rogue chuckled again.

"Now I have you in my inescapable prison. Makes things tougher if you're free to move around, you know…"

Zabuza kept a hand planted in the sphere-prison, forming another seal with his free hand.

"We'll finish things later. First, I'll take care of them."

From the water rose the shape of a man, quickly coloring and molding to perfectly mimic Zabuza, the figure lurching from the water, strangely stooped in a bizarre pose. The real Zabuza chuckled.

"Wearing hitai-ate and acting like ninjas- but you know what? A real ninja is someone who has survived many brushes with death-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Naruto interrupted, waving his hand in an arrogant fashion, "In which case every starved dog, weak infant, and wretched piece of filthy shit on this ball of rock is a ninja."

The blond swaggered forward, his movements jilted and confident.

"Guy likes to hear himself talk, I guess. Hey, mate, I've had enough of your braggadocio, so me and mine are gonna shut you up now, okay?"

Naruto lazily dodged the incoming kick of the Water Clone, forming his own hand seal as he spun- and then there were Narutos everywhere, crowded around the Water Clone, near blotting out all sight of it for all the flitting, running, jumping, shouting Narutos.

"Oh, God, not this again," Kakashi groaned.

Zabuza's gaze darted from the nin at his mercy to the sea of muted colors and yellow hair synchronistically bobbing and merging around his lost duplicate.

It was just a bunch of insubstantial, Academy-grade clones! But the illusion was perfectly executed- and terribly confusing.

And then they began to chant.

"Goodness, two half-naked freaks!"

"One eyebrow, for every head!"

"That big ass weapon…somebody's compensating for sure~"

"You know what pisses me off?"

"What?"

"Boys with their tits out, man."

"Language!"

"Oh, the humanity!"

"Sensei, we're getting bored."

"Sensei, we're getting hungry."

"Why'd you get stuck, sensei?"

"Sensei?"

"Sensei~"

"Oh sensei~"

"Stuck in a bubble~"

"Helpless as a little bouncing baby~"

"He's not having fun~"

"Poor sensei~"

"Backbenching's no good for sensei~"

"Sensei~"

"Stuck with Meester Pantalones"

"Good God, Meester Pantalones! Have you no shame?!"

"There are children here!"

"Oy! Oy! Pantalones~"

"Take that big _sword_ an' _shove it_!"

Zabuza gritted his teeth, willing his clone to movement, swinging the head cleaver through the crowd to no avail. No choked cries of pain, no disappearance of clones, nothing…nothing but a living maelstrom of insanity.

Then he felt the familiar tug on his control of the clone, signifying its destruction. Without any other warning, the Demon Brothers sprang from the center of the fray, charging in their usual formation, Meizu utilizing his brother's size, springing off from his brother's poised arm to maneuver around the target- in this case, their former leader.

"Gozu! Meizu! Traitorous dogs!"

All he got back was the simulataneous, droning laugh of the pair, and then their dreaded catchphrase:

"One down."

~~xxx

I promised, didn't I?


	15. NOT Chapter 13

The fact that you're reading this right now means that the author is currently "stuck" in the development of the story.

Does it mean that it will remain stuck? Certainly not. It was a close thing back a week or so ago, but now that the author's trying to set his schedule so that he can continue bringing you this story with some regularity.

Thus, in order to stimulate creativity, nay, simply carry on with the story, the author brings you a set of analytical bios detailing the characters and their roles thus far in the story. This is so you, the reader, can be made better aware of the viewpoint of the writer, as well as his intent in the use of the characters.

Right from the getgo, you should be aware that the author prizes consistency and at the same time adaptability, blending "In-Character" actions with an evolving mindset, constantly changing in the face of the ongoing story. Every action - and often the wording and phrasing of the narrative – is constructed with some ultimate effect in mind, leading to further development of the characters and the world they live in.

Naruto and his ninja pals do not live in a vacuum; the world moves with them and around them. They are not the center of the universe, but they will often make decisions that shape the political and military landscape- sometimes to very dramatic effect.

Remember that the characters that Naruto encounter have their own drives and personality, each striving toward some goal, even if they are apathetic. The author will do his best to render plausible reactions both faithful to the source material and ultimately the writer's own vision.

Having read through that extensive preamble, here are some, if not all, of the bios of the characters the author is thinking through.

~x~X~x~

As with any bio list, we start with the title character and main protagonist, Uzumaki Naruto.

Naruto is a very different person than how he is in the comics. He's a calculating, rough person working hard to get to his rather simple objective of establishing a comfortable living. Due to the Weasel's tinkering with his biology at an early age, transforming him into a Boglodite, his mind, already filled with disquieting human memories of neglect and abandonment, has taken a turn for the sociopathic. His intellect is decidedly cold and reptilian, and his instincts wired to that of an animalistic predator. From what has been hinted at in the beginning, Naruto has subsisted off of vermin he has stalked and killed, purely out of the desire to sustain himself in what he views as an efficient manner.

With this origin story, it seems like Uzumaki is slowly ripening into something chillingly close to a serial killer, as is indicated by his natural aloofness to society and others and his murdering and subsequent devouring of smaller creatures.

However, the setup in which he inserts himself, one he grimly notes will allow him free reign to terrorize people under the safety of assigned missions, turns out to be what exposes him to the warmness of humanity. Being young, he still desires acknowledgement and support, and is heavily self-conscious, despite outward appearances, of any who come into contact with him on a personal basis.

The catalyst for his turning from being a pure predator comes with the failure of his first team, his raging hormones helping him feel sympathy for his abused teammate, as well as finding something disgusting in a fellow predator, one without Naruto's background of emotional numbness or lack of support.

Naruto is then cut off from his expected guarantee of a life being paid to hurt people, being stuck with his measly stipend, forced to work off a sentence for beating up a fellow citizen of the village, albeit a rapist. He gets stuck putting his energy to constructive use, unable to find the time to come up with a new plot following his more disturbing impulses. He begins to value simple hard work, as opposed to just doing what he can to follow his selfish goals, and socializes with various similarly-bound people, learning to act more like a human from simple proximity with his fellow "indebted".

Two years later, give or take, he's finally allowed payment and gets a real taste of what it's like to be effectively an adult, and all the responsibility that goes with it- particularly with having a livelihood - a human-size budget - to manage.

So he's further steeped in what it means to be a functional human being, specifically an adult human being. He's got a lot more experience than most his age, even given the occasional prodigy, and his life hasn't had a chance to stand still.

And then he gets to return to the Academy, where he's got memories, for better or worse. He sees old faces and further indulges himself as he goes through the motions of daily school life again, completely submerged in this social dynamic that he so stolidly shunned before. His encounters with the opposite sex are still floating about in his head, now well into something resembling puberty, despite being of an alien race. He's got various vague ideas and very significant passions that has really hadn't had any opportunity to be explored more in-depth, as of yet.

However, there is an opportunity to be found in Sakura, who we'll get to in a moment, someone who's also in the throes of hormonal upheaval. What's to be expected from this? Who knows for sure? There might just be some sort of expression, some dalliance. Only time will tell, though.

Naruto very clearly shows a very practical approach to things: When in doubt, take the straightest path. Make no mistake, he's still very much an Academy student, even with his gift of strength and animalistic intelligence.

So far, he's alternated between brute force bolstered by his quick thinking and misdirection tactics that seek to overwhelm the opponent's sense of the situation. It's extremely straightforward in application, and he's yet to consider setting traps or showing anything approaching true subterfuge.

However, he does know the measure of keeping mum, what with his rather blunt attempt to "redirect" Sakura teaching a rather potent lesson (mercifully early, too). He also knows the value of research and simple conversation, allowing him to discover hidden purposes and gain the trust of people, although not necessarily in the order (or proximity).

So as not to forget _what_ we're dealing with, I must remind you that Naruto is a Boglodite. He has no eyes, as has been repeatedly brought up over the course of the story, and has to wear tinted eyewear 24/7 as part of his disguise. He also has to be careful about showing off most of his body because it's arrayed with fingers along most of his front, as well as the palms of his hands, the bottoms of his feet, and, most obtrusively, bracketing his "eye" sockets.

His capabilities as this particular breed of non-human are as follows: exceptional strength/muscularity, extreme ranges of flexibility, concealing/transporting objects via the hollow parts of his body, being able to grip or even attack with most parts of his body, his vocal range- from moderately high pitches to extreme lows, his lack of any need to breathe, being able to leap significant heights, easily being able to survive falls from heights that would obliterate the body of any human being, and utilizing his prehensile tongue for some sinister purpose or another…

With the addition of the Weasel, he can escape most any prison imaginable and fire spikes at a rate of 2-3 shots per second.

His limitations aren't many, but a significant one would be that, due to his need for a disguise to cover it up, his visual range is severely limited at the moment. He has no peripheral vision and his view has a scope-angle of between 70 and 90 degrees, depending on the particular set of goggles. In this particular scenario, assume it's about 80, for the middle's sake. Doesn't matter for the narrative as of yet, but that's just some lovely trivia for all you diehards out there.

x~X~x

So far the most impactful character to come along thus far in the story, Sakura stands apart from the roster as the only on who's yet to show any sort of combat prowess in the story- unless you'd count her repeatedly pimp slapping Naruto.

Sakura is for the most part an outsider looking in on a very different situation. She's a very girly girl trying to make her way in a boy's world and she often gets pissed off at the abject stupidity she sees going on.

The biggest source of this drama in her life is Naruto. In the original series, Naruto doesn't really affect Sakura, although it's made fairly obvious early on that they are on nearly the same wavelength, but with their individual issues- Naruto's lack of finesse and Sakura's lack of flexibility- constantly put them at odds.

Here, about the same thing happens, only they're actually on _separate_ wavelengths this time, and this time it's Naruto doing most of the correcting, which pisses Sakura off.

She knows Naruto is wrong, and constantly rages about his various stunts that get under her skin. However, because he's not completely in the wrong she can't call him out on it- and this pisses her off further.

At the same time, Sakura feels an abiding attraction to her teammate, which occasionally finds an out in a given situation, and not just as frustrated hissy fits. Whenever Naruto's not being a utilitarian douchebag, she is inevitably drawn to him, nearly helpless in the wake of her raging hormones.

She knows she can rely on Naruto, which makes her feel safe, and has no problem abdicating authority to him when the chips are down. But one slip-up too many, a little too much stupid _boyness_…and she'll flip the friggin' table

Adding to her frustration is her persistent crush on Sasuke, the other teammate. Despite Sasuke's obvious denial of her affections, she's intent to get him to like her, to really really like her. He's proven to be a capable, intelligent boy and is a heartthrob-and-a-half. However, whenever he gets embroiled with Naruto…

And this isn't even getting into her various worries about some sort of love polygon breaking out, to her unending dread/hope. She's got a fair amount of sexual energy getting built up and after a while something's gonna snap or break free.

Sakura as a person is a fairly complicated girl. She's got her token desires, but she also possesses a considerable brain (behind that forehead) and desires to put it to use. Although she's put it to rather limited use in the Academy and in the comics only seems to really exhibit her capabilities all of, like, two- maybe three- times, she'll show the world this time. She's just gotta get that chance to really shine, you know?

She's yet to harbor any desire to fuck a bitch up- that isn't Naruto- and thus finds no sense in fighting when she doesn't have the absolute positive need to. Still, being around this new Naruto is bound to have some corrupting effects eventually.

Might I remind you all that..."it's contagious!"

x~X~x

Enter Sasuke.

He's a tool.

No, really- he's a tool. As in the device.

The boy has had most of his decisions made for him ever since he was born- and possibly before then. His one bid for individuality coincided with the veritable dam breaking and "that person" fucking his life up.

So he's in a fair amount of bad shape here. He really doesn't know where he's headed. The best he's gonna do is throw himself at the enemy and hope for the best.

Unfortunately, again Naruto complicates matters. In the comics, he eventually becomes Sasuke's foil, ultimately showing him up about three times in quick succession. Naruto being a complete idiot getting handed all these chances for power and simple _trying_ hard enough (and having the right "circumstances") is the straw that breaks the camel's back. This time, Naruto's showing Sasuke up from the getgo, but also proving himself worthy of being Sasuke's comrade- and perhaps more?

Still, Sasuke's been constantly held to a harsh standard without any sense of respect for his efforts beyond filling a cold expectation with no purpose but the meaningless pride and honor of his forebears. However, realizing the difference between his time perceiving himself as a feckless weakling dealing with that and his time seeing himself as an avenger, dealing with the parallel circumstance of Naruto raising the bar, will be hard for him. It will likely end up leaving the guy similarly distraught as in the comics. Only time will tell, in all honesty.

x~X~x

Remember Kakashi? You know, the current damsel in distress?

Well, he's got issues. He's got lotsa issues.

Sure you knew about his hangups in the series- everybody's been beating that drum, bringing back "dead" people and whatnot, making everything so disgustingly gooey and cute…

But, man, we really dig into them here!

Kakashi's got some skeletons in the closet, it seems. It also seems like he wants to be redeemed, but either feels he's incapable of it or that he's simply unworthy of such mercy.

Unlike how the poor man's been presented, he is by no means useless, stupid, or weak. He's just a bit out of the mix of things and has to jar his brain of all these touch-and-go segments to prove to his students (and himself) he's fit to be their teacher.

He has the misfortune of dealing with this enigmatic Naruto, though, who lacks the imbecilic recklessness of the one in the series, and thus Kakashi has no idea what to do with him. In fact, Sasuke's looking to be the butt of more of the man's ploys than Naruto is at this point.

Then again, if Naruto keeps mouthing off, he might just rally to teach the punk a thing or two…

~x~X~x~

Here we have the next segment, going over the current foes of Naruto & co. They deserve their own section, after all.

~x~X~x~

First is Zabuza. The man is used to being his enemies' worst nightmare. He's worked hard for that privilege. Fresh from a failed coup or not, he's a hardass and everybody in the room knows it. He's saving up his shekels to fund another boss run, and to do it he has to go through these obnoxious Leaf nin.

Up until that point with the Bunshin, things had gone smoothly. And then the shit hit the fan.

The man's no sucker. He's no weakling. He's a salty dog, without a doubt. But he's stuck and there seems to be not many options left and not a whole lot of those are attractive.

Still, he's gotten through a couple nasty scrapes. It's easy to manage he can soldier through this one.

He's strong, he's tough, and he knows the bloody business. With a little luck, he should get done with this travesty and be on to the next objective before tea time tomorrow.

Momo-chan has yet to really face the Sharingan, so there's still that surprise in store for him *nudge nudge*

x~X~x

Haku, who hasn't been introduced that, is going to face a very different Naruto than the gullible nitwit whom Haku forever impressed with that "precious people" speech.

Haku better be careful, or Haku gon' git it.

x~X~x

The Demon Brothers are just as they were in the comics, right up until that last moment. Hmm…

They seem to have turned on Zabuza.

Or have they?

Look underneath the underneath, guys.

~x~X~x~

Now let's run down the general roster of characters introduced as of yet and those that should be soonish. Also, characters that the author feels he must rant about beforehand, well before they have any significant mention.

It is my duty to inform you that **THESE BIOS BELOW MIGHT SPOIL THE STORY FOR YOU**

**PROCEED WITH CAUTION IF YOU DARE**

The Hokage is not as buddy-buddy with the Naruto in this story. Naruto didn't feel the need to reach out for help, and thus the Hokage didn't answer. Also, he's probably hesitating due to the reasonable sentiment that Naruto might hold a bit of a grudge for allowing him to live in this shit sandwich of a situation- and given that Naruto's a fairly crafty bastard herein, it's only a matter of time before he digs something or other up. And when that happens…hoo boy, who'd want to be Hiruzen then?

Konohamaru is not at all important to Naruto. Never has and never will. He's a flicked piece of snot in his realm of existence. The only time the author will give this arrogant skidmark a role in any fan fiction is as the butt of some joke or that ubiquitous excuse to move the plot along (i.e: the pre-Chunin Exams confrontation, which the author is liable to forgo).

Iruka is not Naruto's benefactor, he's not his best friend. Unlike in other stories, the guy isn't romanticized or portrayed as a milquetoast pacifist. He's a guy who's grown out of most of his childish foibles, his experience with which allows him to (eventually) identify with Naruto. He's a good guy, but he's not some paragon of love and peace like all these other writers are desperate to paint him ass. Ironically, he's closer to seeing Naruto in a less condescending light- and thus more as a true equal- making the two closer to being broskis (all due to the boy not being a complete screw-up).

The "Idiots"- that's Team 9( or Team Asuma, if you prefer)- will play a bit of a funny role in this fic. Ino is actually matching Sakura in terms of adaptation, and is a pretty significant foil. She's actually got some designs on Naruto when her attention isn't monopolized by Sasuke, and is likely to make some sort of play at some point if given proper motivation.

Shikamaru is just how he's shown in his initial debut, i.e: he's an ugly mofo. He's not going to be the focus of this idiotic shipping parade where he's almost always set up in that "troublesome blonde" love triangle, nor is he gonna be set up with either one. There's some credibility in both pairings, one can admit, but the story is trying to stay away from fanon and thus it's going to be simply this one poor genius having to deal with inheriting his father's way of dealing with women and simply taking the path of least resistance (and thus getting dragged around by whatever girl has need of him).

Choji has almost no bearing in this fic. He's almost as insignificant as Shikamaru in a certain sense. He's from a supplementary clan, he's a gluttonous pig, and he'll be taken care of by his family for his entire life. There's nothing there (in Choji) for Naruto- or anyone else on Team 7, for that matter- to be inspired to give a toss about this veritable waste of skin (he may very well be a very lovely character, but neither in the source series nor fan fiction has the author found any inclination to give a hoot about this beached whale).

No significant comment on Asuma- he's almost as boring as Choji.

Team 9 (or Team Kurenai, if you prefer) is very unlikely to play much of role in the foreseeable future, although there will be plenty of appearances and so on to make everyone happy.

Kiba is going to have a hard time with Naruto, no matter what. On an animal level, he's Naruto's enemy. When they meet on the battlefield, shit will go down.

Shino's probably going to be a trite associate of Naruto. Due to both having mildly aloof personalities and natural leadership tendencies, I see them getting along fairly well.

Hinata…is going to get [ab]used. And she's going to like it, most likely. Take that as you may, but she will have a _small_ role in the following arc.

Kurenai's not going to amount to much herein. Slightly less boring than Asuma, but significantly more annoying than him, too.

Team 10 (or Team Gai, if you prefer) will serve some significant purpose in the plot to come. They are Naruto's kohai, technically, and I'm certain they won't forget that.

Lee's Naruto's bane. He'll be avoided at all costs, if at all possible. Naruto will go to some length to get him and his team away from him. Lee's also a little under Naruto in raw strength, is generally faster than Naruto, but comes nowhere close to Naruto's flexibility. Let's not even touch on comparing the two on mental levels. They're both tough bastards, tho, so they'd see each other as equals.

Neji is going to get along very well with Naruto, most likely. They're both autonomous individuals that learned to fend for themselves early on. In a sense, Neji would envy/admire Naruto for the blond's making his own way in the world regardless of whatever or whomever got in his way. I see them trading notes on how to best fuck with people's heads.

Tenten's actually going to get a visit or two from Naruto, seeing as they're both avid collectors and similarly meticulous. Naruto will probably go to her for advice on something or another.

Gai…oh dear. Gai's actually pretty awesome. But, considering Naruto's a sarcastic sonofabitch and Team 7's mutual first impression of the man…there's going to be a fair number of "faggy" jokes floating around whenever the poor man's encountered.

Ibiki's going to be surprised by this Naruto. He might chafe at the kid's initial off-the-wall approach to, well, his tactics, but…it's pretty easy to imagine the two hitting it off, years later. It just is. They're both so mean to the people they care about…

Anko's gonna be in a love/hate circumstance with Naruto, for reasons I'm not going to get into. It's not going to be anything involved, so don't even go there.

Orochimaru's not going to have an easy time of it, in both the practical sense…and much the same way as Gai. It's not going to be blatant, but Naruto is going to be a considerable thorn in the man's side as a Boglodite ninja.

The Sound Team's gonna get a different treatment. Not as in canon-perversion, but just in how things go down, due to the change in our hero, now the pragmatic manipulator.

Kabuto's likely to hate Naruto. It's bound to happen. They're too similar in some respects and both of them have very outré hidden agendas. When they meet for a second time, it will most certainly be war.

The Sand Trio is probably going to maintain their usual course. Gaara's probably going to find more to hate, but how that's possible is a secret~.

Baki's likely to get no mention at all if I don't put him here. He's an interesting character, in that he's barely ever discussed and that his design is from, like, the 80's or 90's trends in anime, but yeah- I've got no idea what to do with him.

Jiraiya's going to have a bit of a hard time with Naruto as well, but to a much lesser extent. Unlike the buffoon read about in a token fan fic, it doesn't seem like he's an idiot at all in the series. Goofy when confronted by the equally weird canon Naruto, sure, but he's nobody's fool. As both him and Boglodite!Naruto are leader types and that they both have no personal stake set in the monolithic "Will of Fire", the "greater good" or the village itself, they'll probably think along similar lines and come to complimenting conclusions.

Anybody else I could mention I'm not going to bother with. It's just too easy to **SPOIL** people's expectations.

~x~X~x~

The next couple chapters might take a while. I don't want to compromise continuity or quality for the sake of satisfying my urgent obsession with daily updates.

As such, I suggest you take the time to look through the favorites lists of my page, where one can find several long quality fics to enjoy at one's leisure.

Also note that I will delete this "chapter" once I'm ready to replace it with the real fifteenth installment, so please don't waste your time sticking a review in here.

If you really want to review this chapter so badly, you can stop by my page and PM me. Don't be shy- I don't bite.

You'll also wanna vote in my poll and review the other chapters, but that's only if you really want to.


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